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    dots Submission Name: i dont like to rhyme because its just a pretencedots

    Author: colbybradshaw
    ASL Info:    24,deep south, u.s
    Elite Ratio:    3.61 - 19/19/29
    Words: 161
    Class/Type: Poetry/Me
    Total Views: 641
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 1232

       One need not describe ones work unless ones work is incapable of explaining itself. get what I'm saying?

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsi dont like to rhyme because its just a pretencedots

    The shape across the room,
    the amorphous mound of sleeping guilt,
    it was all just a dream,
    these are merely meek and humane bones,
    Please conscience,
    Go about your business,
    Please nostalgia,
    Leave me alone.

    Lying in the distance,
    nothingness of mountains,
    Bastard fatherhood's,
    Transient mother of my child,
    Swollen eyes,
    Blood on your hands,
    Though the cuts,
    they are quite mild.

    I hate this,
    This vague scheme,
    this atrocity of vanity,
    that is rhyme and meter,
    as if our emotions,
    were so blase,
    so public and proletariat,
    that they required a theater.

    I am no skilled wordsmith,
    just a slave to the blank sheet,
    a laborer in the pit,
    that provides the ink,
    that moves in the meat,
    to elucidate what it is,
    that makes us tick,
    makes us think.

    why read on,
    why move further down,
    this page,
    childish curiosity,
    I am a beast,
    the bombastic feast.

    Submitted on 2010-03-04 10:21:37     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I can't leave you a technical critique because, honestly, that's just not why I read submissions on this site. I enjoyed this as a reader, I envy it as a fellow unskilled wordsmith, and I think you have done a remarkable job capturing our motives as writers. Whether we write poems, stories, limericks, or prose, all of us put our thoughts here so that we can reach others like us.

    I don't write the way you do, but this reached me. It's now a favorite of mine. My favorite lines in this entire piece have settled down to the last four lines of the first stanza:

    "Please conscience,
    Go about your business,
    Please nostalgia,
    Leave me alone."

    It speaks for itself. Write on, colbybradshaw. You have a gift.
    | Posted on 2010-03-04 00:00:00 | by Celeste J. Bell | [ Reply to This ]

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