Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: I Lost My Mind Todaydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Soulraven
    ASL Info:    31/Male/Illinois
    Elite Ratio:    4.05 - 510/481/142
    Words: 135
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1086
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 762



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsI Lost My Mind Todaydots
    -------------------------------------------


    I lost my mind today.
    Within my tattered body it would not stay.
    I was nervous and scared then I felt fine.
    So, my mind left without a single sign.
    Thatís when I knew it had gone.
    When I lost the ability to long.
    I just stare off into this black hole.
    Iím still smiling but do not know where to go.
    I have seemed to break sanityís law.
    Yet, I felt nothing at all
    I face planted on the floor.
    And sealed off my mental doors.
    I canít figure out how I lost it.
    To the curb I must have tossed it.
    I really think it ran away from me.
    Without it itís hard to even see.
    Maybe on my mind I was too tough.
    Or maybe I just did not demand enough.




    Submitted on 2004-02-12 23:07:30     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      i actually really like it, becuase at the mement i seem to be losing my mine, and no matter how ahard i try and chase it, it just seems to keep leaving. as such, like your last two lines, i dont know whether ti becasue i dont use it enough, or i use it too much.
    though effective, i cant help but wonder if the rhyming held back this piece a little.
    just a personal view :-?
    eowyn
    | Posted on 2005-10-28 00:00:00 | by eowyn | [ Reply to This ]
      mental doors - kick ass imagery. You still seem to be somewhat limited in your word choices by your habit to rhyme. Your endings are getting better, yet this one isnt bad, just seems unfinished, but that may be a good thing, it could be the wording of the last line. Your writing has really improved, would like to see something non-rhyming, because then you can express your message without staying in the confins of a limited word choice... this piece has some nice imagery, and originality.... keep it up
    | Posted on 2004-02-13 00:00:00 | by Crash | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    1835

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    Sword in the Water written by Wolfwatching
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    Ciggarettes written by Poetic_tragedy6
    Deep written by Janesaddiction
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    a leaf of shadow and edge written by Daniel Barlow
    Meaningless Meanings written by ForgottenGraves
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    no sky on the other side written by teika5
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Starseed written by endlessgame23
    Twin Intercept written by Daniel Barlow
    The Human Harmonic written by Daniel Barlow
    A Worsening Effect written by Daniel Barlow
    A bit of Pain written by teika5
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    FamiliarDemons ¬©‚ĄĘ written by kyserin
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    The Want written by Daniel Barlow
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Night- time written by Daniel Barlow
    The Abyss of Love written by poetotoe

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry