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    dots Submission Name: I Lost My Mind Todaydots

    Author: Soulraven
    ASL Info:    31/Male/Illinois
    Elite Ratio:    4.05 - 510/481/142
    Words: 135
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1100
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 762


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    dotsI Lost My Mind Todaydots

    I lost my mind today.
    Within my tattered body it would not stay.
    I was nervous and scared then I felt fine.
    So, my mind left without a single sign.
    Thatís when I knew it had gone.
    When I lost the ability to long.
    I just stare off into this black hole.
    Iím still smiling but do not know where to go.
    I have seemed to break sanityís law.
    Yet, I felt nothing at all
    I face planted on the floor.
    And sealed off my mental doors.
    I canít figure out how I lost it.
    To the curb I must have tossed it.
    I really think it ran away from me.
    Without it itís hard to even see.
    Maybe on my mind I was too tough.
    Or maybe I just did not demand enough.

    Submitted on 2004-02-12 23:07:30     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      i actually really like it, becuase at the mement i seem to be losing my mine, and no matter how ahard i try and chase it, it just seems to keep leaving. as such, like your last two lines, i dont know whether ti becasue i dont use it enough, or i use it too much.
    though effective, i cant help but wonder if the rhyming held back this piece a little.
    just a personal view :-?
    | Posted on 2005-10-28 00:00:00 | by eowyn | [ Reply to This ]
      mental doors - kick ass imagery. You still seem to be somewhat limited in your word choices by your habit to rhyme. Your endings are getting better, yet this one isnt bad, just seems unfinished, but that may be a good thing, it could be the wording of the last line. Your writing has really improved, would like to see something non-rhyming, because then you can express your message without staying in the confins of a limited word choice... this piece has some nice imagery, and originality.... keep it up
    | Posted on 2004-02-13 00:00:00 | by Crash | [ Reply to This ]

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