Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: I Lost My Mind Todaydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Soulraven
    ASL Info:    31/Male/Illinois
    Elite Ratio:    4.05 - 510/481/142
    Words: 135
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1103
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 762



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsI Lost My Mind Todaydots
    -------------------------------------------


    I lost my mind today.
    Within my tattered body it would not stay.
    I was nervous and scared then I felt fine.
    So, my mind left without a single sign.
    Thatís when I knew it had gone.
    When I lost the ability to long.
    I just stare off into this black hole.
    Iím still smiling but do not know where to go.
    I have seemed to break sanityís law.
    Yet, I felt nothing at all
    I face planted on the floor.
    And sealed off my mental doors.
    I canít figure out how I lost it.
    To the curb I must have tossed it.
    I really think it ran away from me.
    Without it itís hard to even see.
    Maybe on my mind I was too tough.
    Or maybe I just did not demand enough.




    Submitted on 2004-02-12 23:07:30     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      i actually really like it, becuase at the mement i seem to be losing my mine, and no matter how ahard i try and chase it, it just seems to keep leaving. as such, like your last two lines, i dont know whether ti becasue i dont use it enough, or i use it too much.
    though effective, i cant help but wonder if the rhyming held back this piece a little.
    just a personal view :-?
    eowyn
    | Posted on 2005-10-28 00:00:00 | by eowyn | [ Reply to This ]
      mental doors - kick ass imagery. You still seem to be somewhat limited in your word choices by your habit to rhyme. Your endings are getting better, yet this one isnt bad, just seems unfinished, but that may be a good thing, it could be the wording of the last line. Your writing has really improved, would like to see something non-rhyming, because then you can express your message without staying in the confins of a limited word choice... this piece has some nice imagery, and originality.... keep it up
    | Posted on 2004-02-13 00:00:00 | by Crash | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    1835

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    winners circle written by ShyOne
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    Your Lover written by Cordell
    Whiteout written by layDsayD
    I Do, I Do written by poetotoe
    Cover written by saartha
    Blood Stains Are The Worst written by ForgottenGraves
    Push written by JanePlane
    Neither Here nor There written by layDsayD
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    PEARL (Exclusive Poem) 10th Anniversary... written by Cordell
    written by Daniel Barlow
    written by Daniel Barlow
    the living moment written by ShyOne
    Brigit written by endlessgame23
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
    Waiting written by Daniel Barlow
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Every..... written by jackz
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Carry written by saartha
    Primitive Lapse written by Crestfallenman
    The Severed Head written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Cosmic Dreams written by Chelebel
    Love written by saartha
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (7) written by endlessgame23
    Physician, Heal Thyself written by WriteSomething
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (final) written by endlessgame23

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry