As with how Blue Monk put it, this piece of writing feels heavily antiquated, with portions of profound and rare sincerity. However, this piece has also formed itself upon the hapless suggestion that success follows a definitive pathway, rather than blazing a significant trail. Not to criticize your work with indifference, I mean only to suggest a continued interest in refining your approach. If I were of some authority to say so, I believe you write with potential, with effort, you should not change this.
Here is an example, from your piece: (lines 9-12)
"And watch that face glow in the sky
But don't fall victim to it's tales
For it's the cause of this tide
And someday nothing will be well"
Your words appear misplaced, or controlled, and do not contribute as the majority of your piece does.
My question to you is, what other choices or options were you considering for line 12? Perhaps you do not agree, but in my opinion, this line simply does not fit as written. Thanks for sharing.
This has kind of an old, classy touch to it. I like the directive approach which draws you on a little bit. Not in keeping with any strict rhyme setup but it works ok. We could almost call it "What Time Takes" instead of "Where..."