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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Sleeplessdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: dthforeverpain8
    ASL Info:    17/Female/TMON
    Elite Ratio:    3.26 - 112/217/289
    Words: 119
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 420
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 851



    Description:
       Funny enough - i tend to sleep quite easily - most of the time


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSleeplessdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Fingers climb
    Through brief absolution

    Tentacles wind
    Slimy, staging revolution

    With no sign of retribution

    Shadows break to day
    An angry tidal wave

    Washing away the shore
    Tearing through the plains

    Outside my window
    The sun shines bright

    Mocking my restlessness
    In the middle of the night

    My brain refuses to quiet
    My heart does not cease to pound

    While voices run rampant
    There is no one around

    Watching eyes
    They claim my soul

    The warm summer night
    Is suddenly cold

    Sleep is no where in sight
    Morning still hours away

    I hum to the drum beat of my pulse
    Until the break of day




    Submitted on 2010-03-11 07:22:50     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This piece of writing was like a sensual nightmare, really, it was vivid and imaginative. There are certain corners and turns which would benefit from a well-rounding, but ultimately the setting is contained and intact. Your reference to the "break of day" (line 25) is contradictory to earlier portions of your poem (lines 10-13) and perhaps this is something you could refine.

    How long ago did you write this? I challenge you to put this away, for one week, and then return to revise. See if the changes you might consider now end up being the same or different as you would recognize then. Thanks for sharing your work.

    BI
    | Posted on 2010-03-11 00:00:00 | by blacksail | [ Reply to This ]


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    January 10 07
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