[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Untitleddots

    Author: daughterofdeath
    ASL Info:    23/Female/West Virginia
    Elite Ratio:    4.68 - 277/293/232
    Words: 196
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 401
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1301

       Well another one I guess. Seems as if I can't stop writing right now. I guess I'll take advantage of it for as long as I can.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    I don't want to talk to you,
    look at you anymore.
    I wish you would ignore me
    so I wouldn't hear your voice
    or even your laugh.
    I wouldn't look up
    to see your smile
    that I should get so
    excited just to see.
    Everything about you
    just pulls me in.
    And besides the obvious,
    that I'm taken by another,
    I can't think of one reason
    to stay away from you.
    That stops any action,
    but not my thoughts.
    You run through my mind.
    And I can't control them.
    I want them to stop.
    I want you to go away,
    at least my mind does.
    I know it's wrong
    and I know I shouldn't
    but I can't stop it.
    I knew you first
    and going a different way
    than I orginally hoped
    is confusing to me.
    I could be called
    any name thought of,
    and they would fit.
    I would accept them.
    I am happy where I am,
    but I always ask myself
    "What if?"
    What if I chose you?
    or even gave you a
    chance to find out?
    But those thoughts
    make me feel worse,
    because they shouldn't
    be thought of to begin with.

    Submitted on 2010-03-11 13:00:36     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I appreciated your clarification on the last piece of writing, and now with a better understanding, I am reading your writing better. Suicidal may have been too strong a reasoning, I thought you put it better in the end. As for this piece, I believe the promise lies in the fact that you asked questions near the end of your writing, instead of continuing to despair. To ask, means you are looking for an answer, rather than simply re-defining the problem. This would be something very interesting to hear read aloud, from the author's point of view, the value in this piece remains in the tone and reference, rather than choice words and sentiment (though it is complete, I would not change much). Thanks for sharing.

    | Posted on 2010-03-11 00:00:00 | by blacksail | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    untitled written by Outlaw
    Twin Intercept written by Daniel Barlow
    The World written by jjd
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    a leaf of shadow and edge written by Daniel Barlow
    Hyle written by endlessgame23
    Sword in the Water written by Wolfwatching
    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Keep written by TheStillSilence
    FamiliarDemons ©™ written by kyserin
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    Ciggarettes written by Poetic_tragedy6
    Deep written by Janesaddiction
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Mystery Read written by kyserin
    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    In a Corner written by jeniecel
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Rooted in Nature written by Chelebel
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    no sky on the other side written by teika5
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
    Johnny's Cock written by endlessgame23
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Untitled written by Daniel Barlow




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]