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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Refractingdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: SweetAndOhSoME
    ASL Info:    17/f/Here
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 300/112/77
    Words: 225
    Class/Type: Poetry/Passion
    Total Views: 1098
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1532



    Description:
       Yeah, I wrote this at 7:00 this morning. 3/13/2010. Not sure if I like it. Meh.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsRefractingdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Call it what it is.
    Call it a lie.
    Promise me the truth,
    and then please say goodbye.


    The words that flow forth like a torrent of misguided missiles
    will never cease to astound.
    But each glitter of amazement only serves to defile
    the innocence of light on the rebound.


    Refracting.


    Do what it is that must be done.
    Forget what it is that must be forgotten.
    Turn from the sun,
    The rays that shun.
    Like a replay of a bad pun,
    this memory is going rotten.
    And all that we once sought in
    delight shall fade to never be brought in.


    Contracting this disease of fragile morbidity
    addicted to this play of rigid insecurity.


    Call it what it is.
    A lie.
    I promise.
    Donít promise.


    Lost souls transcend past all comprehension
    as the hand of wanderers' reach grasping
    a new dream.


    Dreams that will never brush their fingertips.
    Fragile songs of the wind
    that destroy like the wrath of a tornado
    with the softness of a motherís love.


    Never ignore a women scorned.
    This ecstasy only births regret.
    Tormenting aortas with the spasm of an attack.
    Oneís never too young to die.


    Shut it off.
    Keep it out.
    Lie.


    Itíll all be okay.




    Submitted on 2010-03-13 07:25:54     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      i really liked this jumping all over the place but i think i followed it... When reading other pieces I like to find ways to relate personally... And I was able to do this easily i like that. I want to be able to relate to it, gives me a connection otherwise lost I absolutely LOVE the beginning!!
    Thanks for posting!!

    Jackz

    | Posted on 2014-01-08 00:00:00 | by jackz | [ Reply to This ]
      "The Contradictions that make no sense."


    That's the repeating theme of it.


    And that's what it's supposed to be.
    | Posted on 2010-04-28 00:00:00 | by SweetAndOhSoME | [ Reply to This ]
      It's pretty incoherent and it's obvious these are emotions you are trying to commit to 'paper' instead of a single thought or revelation as such. Therefor it might be hard to understand for others who read it without knowing the entire story. However, aside from what I do know and can connect and just glancing at the words without pressing meaning on them so eagerly ...

    //
    Never ignore a women scorned.
    This ecstasy only births regret.
    //

    I liked these sentences best, even though they make no sense. (I happen to like that sort of thing, but how can ignorance be ecstasy?)

    As I said, the only recurring things might be the lies, but there's no consistency in build-up of the poem or subject. If you can call it that. Instead of poetry, this might be better categorized under 'deep thoughts' instead.
    However when I read this I do sense a lot of hurt, bitterness, and the urge to find amends by means of vengeance perhaps, but it is feeble, as if you're about to breakdown, despite trying to remain strong towards others.

    //
    Call it what it is.
    A lie.
    I promise.
    Donít promise.
    //

    Words have betrayed you, will betray you, people lie, it's in their nature to find the words which benefit their own situation and not one person is completely selfless -if they were, they'd die, and it goes against our instincts which take care of our survival.

    //
    Contracting this disease of fragile morbidity
    addicted to this play of rigid insecurity.
    //

    Again the contradictions that make no sense, and perhaps it is because of lines like these the piece loses coherency, for rigid is usually a secure thing, so much even it might be at fault for being so.
    Morbidity is a state of health; how can it be a disease all on its own? Despite these questions which rise -and I manage to answer them for myself, thank you- they push me to think harder on what you are trying to convey, put into feelings as it were, instead of having the words themselves jot down the meaning of it plainly to read.
    Hiding, almost, yes, you are trying to be just vague enough for a bystander to fail in comprehending this, and for those and only those that know -to perhaps grasp their hidden meaning.
    I wonder who you wrote this for, but I can make a pretty accurate wild guess I suppose.

    Good luck, Christina, wherever life might take you next.
    | Posted on 2010-03-13 00:00:00 | by Urisen | [ Reply to This ]
      It's good. Better than most of my recent work too.
    I'm awestruck, I'm speechless. But I'm pleasantly surprised.


    There are some things I would change, but then again, there are so many more things I would like to steal.

    My favorite part has to be this:
    "Do what it is that must be done.
    Forget what it is that must be forgotten.
    Turn from the sun,
    The rays that shun.
    Like a replay of a bad pun,
    this memory is going rotten.
    And all that we once sought in
    delight shall fade to never be brought in."

    Though, there are some parts even there that seem artificial

    "One's never too young to die"

    I disagree. We may die thousands of deaths emotionally in our lifetime, but we're simply too young to die if we don't grasp the ways of the world entirely. And it takes a long time to do that. Longer than the average life spam.

    "It'll all be okay"

    A little random?

    Or just a touch of faith to think, hey, maybe in the end everything will be fine?

    I did find it a little off where it was. There was no sense of it through the whole poem and then BAM. It hit there.

    None the less, it was good, and consider your work favored. MUWHAHA.

    <3

    | Posted on 2010-03-13 00:00:00 | by Dark Dann | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
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    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

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