Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: untitled finale dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Dark Dann
    ASL Info:    18/ Male/ San Diego
    Elite Ratio:    6.44 - 78/67/53
    Words: 165
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 803
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 1083



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsuntitled finale dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Starve, forgotten and alone
    Do you know what this all tells?
    Memories never meant to stay
    Memories only seem to sway away.
    Do you know what this all tells?
    Like a grain of salt lost in sand
    It was all really taken from your hand
    Rest forgotten, never remember
    Always past, a shadow of self
    Never to return, yet always seek more.

    Are you tired of looking?
    For that one grain of salt
    Itíll never return
    Lost amongst the world
    Just run, run while you can
    Before you realize youíre better off dead.
    Cause who wants a world full of pain?
    Full of misery and endless rain

    Stop crying and look around
    Donít even make a sound
    Itís not worth this endless fight
    Just die, like any other night
    Save your prayers, theyíll do no good
    Whoever said they needed you?
    Save your dreams, wicked one
    Cause tonight is the last night
    Our last chance
    Our last dance
    Tonight is the night.




    Submitted on 2010-03-13 10:13:22     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      i should like to think that most finale are untitled.. it leaves room for more. final doesnt always mean end.

    im not sure why but when i read this one all i could think was a song called a book and no disasters:



    so you can listen to it while i mumble around a little about this piece



    i think your piece asks a lot of questions but doesnt really answer any of them...
    something to think about?

    the world doesnt need more questions... specially not questions that require answers that are uncertain.. questions in math exams are fine because the answers, in theory, can only be right or wrong... there is only one right answer to 2+2 unless you are from radiohead and then it equals 5 if youre hailing theives.

    okay. enough with the cryptic already lol.
    but yes... i think youre asking a couple too many questions in this which kinda puts me off a little..

    in the first stanza you ask the same question twice:

    do you know what this all tells?

    but you dont seem to answer it for me. i could answer it for me but then i would be writing over top of your words in order to do so which isnt something im a fan of... you know?

    i cant decide whether this ends on a high note or not... is last chance/dance/night a good thing? or is it a final desperate attempt to make everything better? kinda like the some by sea song i linked you to... he has all these atleasts but i cannot work out whether theyre good or not... they sound like they ought to be good... praying at night to something other than the ceiling etc etc but somehow... the way he ends that line just makes me think maybe its not really so much better than it is a different kind of ugh... you know?

    i ask you if you know a lot.
    its okay if you dont.
    im a lil rusty at the commenting thing.
    forgive me.
    | Posted on 2010-03-17 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    183744

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Carry written by saartha
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (3) written by endlessgame23
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    The Unicorn written by BlazeFlamme
    Reliquary of Writ written by HisNameIsNoMore
    I, Plutarch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Cover written by saartha
    Lilitu written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    The Poems Death written by Mepoduo
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet
    Journey written by endlessgame23
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    i've missed written by mysalvation
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (1) written by endlessgame23
    The World written by jjd
    Tartarus written by endlessgame23
    Deep Into A World Of Despair written by DeathTone
    untitled written by ShyOne
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Life is moments written by Ramneet
    Shut Up written by annie0888
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (2) written by endlessgame23
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    Records I written by Raphael

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry