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    dots Submission Name: Him As In I Or He As In Me?dots

    Author: HisNameIsNoMore
    ASL Info:    28 - Male - Ohio
    Elite Ratio:    2.95 - 75/194/254
    Words: 215
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 809
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1166


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    dotsHim As In I Or He As In Me?dots

    A key lost in the hole, twist and let go and watch it, watch it, twist and let go, let gone be ending of something real.
    Create, a key lost in a hole, twisting and it's stacking up, door after door, let gone be ending of something created, a key lost in a hole.
    Turn, the wind blows down, from the sky or the floor boards of the mind. Leaking key hole, so cold as it twists creating and ending in something gone in a hole shaped like a key, dropping further and further down inside.
    Rotting away inside something today, a key lost in the twisting wind, gone to end a new beginning.
    Sometimes the joke is that the key is shining.

    Is he I or is me always him? See the light? Shining under the door?
    A crack under an eye lid, shape me please. Clay for the blasting heat.
    Cracking and drying, a key shape grave am I dying?
    No is this east? Blowing wind bring to me a key a key a key.
    No need for me to feel, only thing that is left is a beginning peel, withering bitterness is cracking up.
    Divide and add it in, blowing doors in the wind, closing the sun I'm seeing.

    Submitted on 2010-03-14 00:43:13     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I agree with the other comments: this is a mighty poem made out of one single metaphor, spun out and woven into a whole story. But it needs a clue or two, a bit of context, to help the reader make out that story or choose what to apply your symbolism to.

    But if it is a personally important, purely personal poem that you love, then maybe you shouldn't mess with it ... because it is pretty remarkable right now. What about a title that is less witty but more of a clue? Or a line of prose in brackets under the title?

    I noticed how you have the sounds of the text singing - with assonance and so on. That is quite delightful to read! I read it aloud and it sounds good.
    | Posted on 2010-03-16 00:00:00 | by Glen Bowman | [ Reply to This ]
      I agree with Blue Monk, it is a bit complex for me to read. I've sat here and read it four times and still am grasping at the meaning. It is beautifully written, of that I have no doubt.
    Thought provoking..
    | Posted on 2010-03-15 00:00:00 | by Celeste J. Bell | [ Reply to This ]
      A bit complex for some, I suspect, but quite thoughtful and it lends itself to various interpretation. I like the key shining part. Quite mystical if you wish.
    | Posted on 2010-03-14 00:00:00 | by Blue Monk | [ Reply to This ]

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