The Amazing Swiss Army Knife -------------------------------------------
Look at this
There’s a corkscrew
A bottle opener
And a tin opener to
A pair of tweezers !
And look at this here’s a needle and some thread
One of those thing-a-ma-bobs
For helping you when your putting on your shoes
And one of shoes sharp pointy doo- dads
For getting boy scouts out of horses hooves
A spoon !
Hmm a bit small, but handy if you feel like snorting coke
Bloody hell look at this
It’s even got a fork !
And look a flippin’ magnifying glass
What’s this… ? a T.V screen !
Which doubles no quadruples up
As a Tom-Tom
Radio and internet connection
Oh my god ! it even turns into a fishing rod
And there’s a tiny little slot
Containing fishing hooks
And next to that a little box
With tinder and some strike !
Just in case you need to light a fire in the middle of the night
It’s a flashlight !
And a cigarette lighter !
What’s this ? I don’t believe it
A bloody mobile phone
And a set of goggles so’s you don’t poke one of these gizmo’s in your eye
Amazing… now where’s the knife…
Ah here it is hidden under this label which
If I use the magnifying glass says
Sharp object… at least I think that’s what the label says
No; your kidding me, now this you just aint gonna believe
That little Swiss Flag logo
It’s a flippin’ first aid kit in case of emergencies
A tiny tube of antiseptic cream
And one of those rubber doo-hickeys to stick your finger in
Incredible; amazing; totally a surprise
And it all fits into a handy pocket size
And if I ever go out camping
I am sure to be saving lives
Hold on; resuscitation techniques
Folded away here in this tiny little slot
They think of everything
But there is just one small point
Really hardly worth mentioning