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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Angel in Sunny Bluesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Dark Dann
    ASL Info:    18/ Male/ San Diego
    Elite Ratio:    6.44 - 78/67/53
    Words: 167
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Misc
    Total Views: 239
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1016



    Description:
       This was a more...inspired yet very weird attempt at a song. I liked it. But I think it's more poetic, but the purpose was to be a song.

    Regardless...hope you enjoyed


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAngel in Sunny Bluesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    The stars shine with a strong light
    I hope I never let you down tonight
    It's three AM and I don't know what to do
    With my life, with my life.

    I lie awake all night
    Waiting for the stars to cry
    I just want to be alright
    I want to stand on my feet and fly
    I don't want to be down
    I just wish you were around
    I never meant to just drown
    All I need is my angel to be here
    For me, for me.

    It's 3 AM in a thunder storm
    The rain drops and I can't hear your voice anymore
    I can't believe you'll just fly right out the door
    Your gentle touch is now gone
    All I need is my angel in my soul
    Wearing blue.
    The angel in sunny blues.

    The gentle ring of the phone
    Tells me that I'm not alone
    Through the plastic is your voice
    Telling me it's alright
    You'll be fine
    It's alright.




    Submitted on 2010-03-15 13:56:05     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Have I not commented? Gasp! o;
    Let's see here.
    The title was tacky. >_>
    But I like the song.~

    It's 3 AM in a thunder storm
    The rain drops and I can't hear your voice anymore

    I like those two lines in particular, especially since it indicates rain. I like rain. <_<
    Aaaaanyways. Nice song, I can imagine a melody to go along with it. It's got that rhyming thing goin' on. ;D
    | Posted on 2010-03-25 00:00:00 | by xAngeliquex | [ Reply to This ]
      commenting on lyrics rarely ever works for me because i cannot hear the music behind the lyrics. lyrics on their own never sound as incredible to the reader as they do to the writer
    what genre of music are you going for here and can you play musical instruments to make the song happen? [haha im so nosey!]


    The stars shine with a strong light
    I hope I never let you down tonight
    It's three AM and I don't know what to do
    With my life, with my life.


    i think maybe you jump around a little too much in this opening idea... i hope i never let you down tonight either makes tonight the longest night of your life OR it completely diminishes the never let you down gesture..

    3am is a useless time really. slightly better than 2am though not much... it is the time to be thinking about life and where its going though because it is at that time of the morning when you really cant do anything but think about everything.. everything is closed so its not like you can actively do anything except think or clean your room... thinking it is...

    I lie awake all night
    Waiting for the stars to cry
    I just want to be alright
    I want to stand on my feet and fly
    I don't want to be down
    I just wish you were around
    I never meant to just drown
    All I need is my angel to be here
    For me, for me.


    waiting for the stars to cry? seems like an odd idea to me... maybe you could add some to this...? what kind of tears and why? while i know its a song i still think there needs to be some kind of purpose behind the lyrics. unless youre going for mystical madness which is completely fine haha!

    stand on my feet and fly is an interesting one.. it shouldnt make sense but somehow tonight it does. life has been knocking me round quite a bit lately but tonight im feeling like ive slept and regrouped and im ready to get back on the front foot which almost feels like flying... you know?

    It's 3 AM in a thunder storm
    The rain drops and I can't hear your voice anymore
    I can't believe you'll just fly right out the door
    Your gentle touch is now gone
    All I need is my angel in my soul
    Wearing blue.
    The angel in sunny blues.


    i like how the scene is getting progressively worse... not only is it 3am but its also storming... storming inside and out.
    i REALLY like that the rain drops and you cannot hear her voice... that is like... the most beautiful idea ever.
    i get a lil lost with the 3am lonely rain voice thing though because i chain them together and come up with that matchbox 20 song 3am...

    i wanna know what happened to her... where did she go and why did she leave and why are you wishing she hadnt?
    theres a whole lot of ideas half mentioned in this song but not as much resolve as id hoped for...

    The gentle ring of the phone
    Tells me that I'm not alone
    Through the plastic is your voice
    Telling me it's alright
    You'll be fine
    It's alright.


    through the plastic seems very important... plastic wrapping... plastic fakeness... plastic breakability... her voice cuts through all of it and tells you its gonna be okay... everyone needs a voice like that at some point... mostly i am my own "its gonna be okay" voice but i can be pretty convincing when i need to be


    the title is of interest to me... in sunny blues... when i first read it i thought of sunny blues being the same as saying "in the key of g" or whatever... like some kind of musical instruction. i like it.
    | Posted on 2010-03-17 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      I have to disagree with a bit of Max Million's instruction. Mechanical skills go out the window with poetry. Sure, commas may be used to illustrate things or denote pauses (and I personally think they should be), but you just saying that you SHOULD brush up on them... only if that's within the line of your poetry desires. Of course, that's just my opinion, and really...we all have them. xD Anyways.


    Angel in Sunny Blues.


    First off, I like the title. I've been hearing about it for quite sometime, and so obviously knowing it was finally completed was a bit of a hooker. I was like Yay! I finally get to read how he illustrated such a beautiful title! It is a beautiful title. I really love titles. Some people just don't pay enough attention to them, if you ask me. A title is very important.


    You hope that you never let this angel down tonight? Do you really think that's what you meant? Tonight and never can agree, but I'm not sure that's the right deliverance. You know?


    "With my life, with my life"

    Definitely a sing-y quality to that. The repitition. God, I love repitition! I really, really do. Like an echo of a thought, fading, crescendoing. However you spell that.


    "waiting for the stars to cry"


    That's beautiful imagery.


    You want to stand on your feet and fly? Again...they CAN go together. Just think about if that really is what you meant to put.


    "just drown"

    The just in front of that kind of throws me off. Seems out of place, y'know? To me, anyway. Poetry is such a viewer-friendly thing.


    "It's 3 AM in a thunder storm
    The rain drops and I can't hear your voice anymore"

    That's beautiful. I like that a lot. The meaning, the sound, the flow... I think it's probably my favorite bit.


    And, yeah, the third stanza has a strong song feel. Very much so. In comparison to the others, it just kind of screams "This is a song." Don't really know why. I think it's the last few lines. They just kind of, dance to each other. Hahah. Yeah.


    And, I definitely like how it ends. "Through the plastic".

    Honestly, I'd like to see some bigger words. Something that makes it different. Like Ludo. Or some of Ludo's songs. Or...Owl City. God, I love the way he writes his songs, assuming he does his own. I should look it up and find out.


    Thanks for sharing.


    Peace. <3
    | Posted on 2010-03-15 00:00:00 | by SweetAndOhSoME | [ Reply to This ]
      I respect any piece with a rhyme scheme, this included. The only issue I have is the lack of structure in the rhyme, as well as poem. Also, your mechanical skills need brushing up. Commas in the right place and all that.
    | Posted on 2010-03-15 00:00:00 | by Max Million | [ Reply to This ]
      Rhyming, I'm jealous. >.> >:P
    | Posted on 2010-03-15 00:00:00 | by EndOfTheWorld | [ Reply to This ]


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