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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: A Poet's Midnight Praisedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Theophilus
    Elite Ratio:    3.91 - 116/174/95
    Words: 146
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 848
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 869



    Description:
       3-15-2010

    1:10 AM

    I dont know about the spacing.. I dont like this format at all. Any suggestions?


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsA Poet's Midnight Praisedots
    -------------------------------------------


    I tell my fingers and pen,
    “It’s time to sleep now, time to rest,
    there’s always tomorrow…”
    but they go on dancing
    across the page like moonlight,
    innocently not listening.

    And I wonder what they’re writing
    so furiously, so entranced are they,
    but I decide not to disturb them.

    They work as if this moment
    were the very reason they were made,
    As if this is the song
    they were meant to sing…
    and who am I to stop them
    from their praise?

    So I sit back more comfortably
    to watch them weave words
    into melodies,
    I smile and sigh contentedly,

    “I’m sorry Sweet Sleep
    but you’ll have to wait,
    maybe I will see you tomorrow Dear…”


    “…maybe.”




    Submitted on 2010-03-15 20:43:09     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I know this place... you go to hit the OFF switch, and the brain overrides and keeps going... or at least, the hands...

    I'm having a hand problem lately, so this one hit me particularly close to home.
    | Posted on 2010-04-16 00:00:00 | by Runes | [ Reply to This ]
      I spent some time fiddling with our format, since the rest of the poem was very well written and doesn’t seem to need much help. It is something that any writer can relate to.

    This is what I came up with :)
    Hope it helps…


    I tell my fingers and pen,
    [Tab space] “It’s time to sleep now, time to rest,
    [Tab space] there’s always tomorrow…”
    But they go on dancing
    Across the page [Tab space]like moonlight,
    Innocently not listening.

    And I wonder what they’re writing
    So furiously, [Tab space] So entranced are they,
    But I decide not to disturb them.

    They work as if this moment
    were the very reason they were made,
    [Double Tab space] As if this is the song
    [Double Tab space] They were meant to sing…
    And who am I to stop them
    From their praise?

    So I sit back more comfortably
    To watch them weave words
    [Double Tab space] Into melodies,
    I smile and sigh contentedly,

    “I’m sorry Sweet Sleep
    [Tab space] but you’ll have to wait,
    Maybe I will see you tomorrow, dear…”


    [Double Tab space] “…Maybe.”



    Obviously it’s not much, but I have found that tab spacing is a good way to show pauses in writing and usually can make it seem more sophisticated than set verse poetry.

    {sorry I had to write the words tab space inside parenthesis, its just this website has something against recording spacing as it is. It frustrates me quite often.}
    | Posted on 2010-04-15 00:00:00 | by dthforeverpain8 | [ Reply to This ]
      Sorry about the comment (below) getting repeated several times. It was sort of half my fault and half the Internet's. Here in The Twisted Mountains, internet only works when you sacrifice enough black beetles and custard...
    | Posted on 2010-03-24 00:00:00 | by lakesblue | [ Reply to This ]
      That is such an agreeable sentiment and description, for a poet reading it!

    The ending is subtle, because that metaphor made me think about how being keen on your work can cut down your time with friends or relations or partner. That linked with a bit of philosophy Í read this morning over coffee. The question was "Gaugin's ethical problem". He abandoned his wife and children without any income, to go paint pictures in Tahiti! That is an extreme case; and your apology to Sweet Sleep is a mild case I guess!

    But you're telling us why. The feeling of happiness, satisfaction, peace in working at an art comes across very clearly.

    It isn't a very ornamental poem full of what a skilful poet you are - but it's fully successful anyway; and maybe that is an advanced skill!
    | Posted on 2010-03-24 00:00:00 | by lakesblue | [ Reply to This ]
      That is such an agreeable sentiment and description, for a poet reading it!

    The ending is subtle, because that metaphor made me think about how being keen on your work can cut down your time with friends or relations or partner. That linked with a bit of philosophy Í read this morning over coffee. The question was "Gaugin's ethical problem". He abandoned his wife and children without any income, to go paint pictures in Tahiti! That is an extreme case; and your apology to Sweet Sleep is a mild case I guess!

    But you're telling us why. The feeling of happiness, satisfaction, peace in working at an art comes across very clearly.

    It isn't a very ornamental poem full of what a skilful poet you are - but it's fully successful anyway; and maybe that is an advanced skill!
    | Posted on 2010-03-24 00:00:00 | by lakesblue | [ Reply to This ]
      Hmm. I would definitely get rid of the double line spacing, I don't really feel like it adds anything to the poem.

    The rythm is interesting, I like the pattern that it creates.

    All in all not a bad poem. I would like to read it again if/when you re-format it, as that could change it significantly - though I wouldn't go as far as to tell you exactly how to do it...
    Thanks for the submission
    | Posted on 2010-03-16 00:00:00 | by raincloud | [ Reply to This ]


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