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I was thinking about the beauty of how we began, the wonder of how things felt then. But even then..well, read the poem and draw your own conclusions! <3 Enjoy. And if you don't enjoy, please bash.
Butterfly wings flutter softly in my veins
the rush of extremity brushing my heart,
the taste of stardust dancing on my tongue.
The sun's rays weave a pattern within my soul.
Slashing, thrashing! My veins burst open to release
another rush of nonchalant extremity,
that decimates every aorta into expulsion
as flavored dust dehydrates my soul.
You'll never rest!
Submitted on 2010-03-15 21:03:28
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2: I dunno...
4: Pretty cool
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I loved the language.
I was unsure what it ment.
I felt a surge to listen to 'Rip out the wings of a butterfly.'
So yeah, that's all I have for now. ^_^
| Posted on 2010-03-17 00:00:00 | by
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This one isn't so clear, and it does lead to people asking stuff.
There is one thing I would like to add to this poem; and that is what caused the feeling to shift.
"Butterfly wings flutter softly in my veins"
Butterflies are gentle creatures, so I assume this was a line of positivity.
But then the "Slashing, thrashing! My veins burst open to release" brought up some eyebrow raisers.
Beyond, the poem is pretty good. The style isn't one that I'm partially fond of, but everyone has their different style.
| Posted on 2010-03-15 00:00:00 | by
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Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [
1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?
Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
It means a lot to them, as it does to you.
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