Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Butterfly Slashdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: SweetAndOhSoME
    ASL Info:    17/f/Here
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 300/112/77
    Words: 73
    Class/Type: Poetry/Passion
    Total Views: 873
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 553



    Description:
       I was thinking about the beauty of how we began, the wonder of how things felt then. But even then..well, read the poem and draw your own conclusions! <3 Enjoy. And if you don't enjoy, please bash.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsButterfly Slashdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Butterfly wings flutter softly in my veins
    the rush of extremity brushing my heart,
    the taste of stardust dancing on my tongue.
    The sun's rays weave a pattern within my soul.


    Tempest, tempest.
    Oh desire!


    Slashing, thrashing! My veins burst open to release
    another rush of nonchalant extremity,
    that decimates every aorta into expulsion
    as flavored dust dehydrates my soul.


    Tempest, tempest.
    You'll never rest!




    Submitted on 2010-03-15 21:03:28     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I loved the language.
    I was unsure what it ment.
    I felt a surge to listen to 'Rip out the wings of a butterfly.'
    So yeah, that's all I have for now. ^_^
    | Posted on 2010-03-17 00:00:00 | by Scaredheart | [ Reply to This ]
      This one isn't so clear, and it does lead to people asking stuff.

    There is one thing I would like to add to this poem; and that is what caused the feeling to shift.

    "Butterfly wings flutter softly in my veins"

    Butterflies are gentle creatures, so I assume this was a line of positivity.

    But then the "Slashing, thrashing! My veins burst open to release" brought up some eyebrow raisers.

    Beyond, the poem is pretty good. The style isn't one that I'm partially fond of, but everyone has their different style.

    Keep rocking
    | Posted on 2010-03-15 00:00:00 | by Dark Dann | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    183807

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Deep written by Janesaddiction
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow
    Twin Intercept written by Daniel Barlow
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    The Curtain Call written by faideddarkness
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Starseed written by endlessgame23
    no sky on the other side written by teika5
    A bit of Pain written by teika5
    The World written by jjd
    FamiliarDemons ©™ written by kyserin
    A Worsening Effect written by Daniel Barlow
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Sword in the Water written by Wolfwatching
    going,,,"Skin." written by teika5
    Johnny's Cock written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    a leaf of shadow and edge written by Daniel Barlow
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Lie back & tan written by Daniel Barlow
    Live In Between written by teika5
    Whispered written by endlessgame23
    In a Corner written by jeniecel
    The Want written by Daniel Barlow
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry