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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: man with no soul. dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: thelastman
    Elite Ratio:    3.58 - 6/5/8
    Words: 482
    Class/Type: Prose/Being a Teen
    Total Views: 641
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 2477



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsman with no soul. dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Once upon a darken time, where the sun didn’t shine and there was no light, for all was plunged deep into darkness, live a man, who’s name was long forgotten. He live in a pitch black hollow castle, and was nihilistic and had cold apathy to all living things. His skin was a dark, red color. His eyes were a stormy sea-blue. His hair was dark purple color, with dark ebony black at the end. His skin was a pale white color, for he it was seldom for him to step out side. Day in, and day out, he would sit on his black as night chair, and stare glassy-eye out the huge window, that had curtains. No one, would visit him, why? It was simply because no light was emitted into the darken house. It was a frozen feeling house, so cold, that icicles hung from the ceiling, and soft blue snow color the true color of snow. Every day, he would wait, for some one to come and help him find redemption for his past, but none came to his aid. So slowly, he began to pin away, not caring about anything. One day, during his isolated life a small girl walked to his house, It was old hollow’s eve night. A knock was one the door. He slowly, crept to the door, and open it. The girl smile brightly and ask him, “why, are you all alone, why not come with me?” she ask softly
    The old man shook his head softly and spoke, “I don’t deserver your kindn-“ Before he could finish, the girl looked at him.
    “I know that you ran away from home. I know, that you use to be a alcoholic and hurt lots of people. That you’ve acted badly on your lust, and that you’ve hurt a lot of innocent people, and children.” She answer softly.
    The man was taken back, aghast as he heard her speak. He begin to wonder who, was she. As if she could read his mind she spoke, “I came, to erase your past, so that you can be free.” The girl lifted her shining hand to him.
    The man shook his head a bitter no, as he slowly sat down, his eyes down cast. The girl stood at the door, and spoke softly, “I wait for you.” And with that, the man took her hand.
    “Please, let me get out of here, I want to be with you!” rasped.
    He took her hand. And slowly he begin to transformed, his skin started to glow his eyes became bright, and he was fill with happiness. Slowly he was being transformed into an angel. After that. He was no longer filled with the darkness of dispare, but instead was filled with the light of light. In joy He follow the little girl to a golden paradise.




    Submitted on 2010-03-16 16:53:52     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Somebody will tell you that you need to do more reading, since you still make some mistakes in grammar and punctuation. But I don't mind that, I just like this story a lot. The fine thing about it is the main character, that strange man but with a soul that seems so familiar - somewhere in me is a man like that being part of my being! But the girl is also part.

    You are doing the advanced artistic technique of making a character into a strong, fantastical symbol of some aspect of human nature, showing even his appearance as being specially like his personality and behaviour, and not being at all restrained about it. That technique can produce just a cartoon; but it can also create a powerful dramatic character, which this character of yours is more like! This is one thing about your imagination that you mustn't back off from, since it works so well.

    I wonder if this could be part of a longer story with another character in it? Just a thought. Uh ... the story here is an old, old one. It can be boring if badly told, but you gave it a sparkle all right. However, putting the old, old story into a tale from your own world, like the mix of a fantasy and a reality, would give it an original twist and would also be a writing challenge like you seem to be looking for?

    I'm wondering why this simple fable got to me so effectively. I think it's your writing style: you tell the tale in plain and lively language that is simply part of your own make, you don't have to learn anything about that, just do it, and it will be successful with readers.
    | Posted on 2010-03-16 00:00:00 | by Glen Bowman | [ Reply to This ]


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