[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Pretty Day, Ugly Peopledots

    Author: Shadowstar13
    Elite Ratio:    4.73 - 191/191/129
    Words: 128
    Class/Type: Poetry/Venting
    Total Views: 1287
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 867


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsPretty Day, Ugly Peopledots

    Pretty day, ugly people

    I'm privy to the privvy of her private lives
    and I would like to inform all you lovely glass youths and maidens
    that if you want to see the real she,
    rip her open
    and inspect
    infested inside.

    Memories and empty words will spill
    Idiocy, and a voice two tones too shrill
    The blood she bleeds is blue indeed
    from lack of oxygen and overgorged need

    Criticism is her -ism,
    indecision her religion
    and she falls at the feet
    of the high priest of defeat:
    Subjugate, don't correlate;
    herself you might unseat!

    Those with acid hands can only corrode what they touch.
    Those with acid tongues, more so.

    I am growing titanium skin to adjust to these whiplashes.

    Submitted on 2010-03-17 16:04:27     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Titanium skin and a teflon heart... Oh, I do envy you!
    This runs like hot spilled blood.
    | Posted on 2010-04-22 00:00:00 | by Runes | [ Reply to This ]
      This is an interesting piece. I can feel the hint of bitterness behind it; especially as how you describe this female.

    There is a flow to it, but sometimes the words that are use mess up the flow, making the reader having to adjust. I suppose you can always go back and reedit this. Or somethign. It's your work, not mine.

    I have to say, I found this line ironically funny.

    "I am growing titanium skin to adjust to these whiplashes."

    Because you have to put up with it, even if you don't want to stay? Cause it's simple to walk away. Or something. Who knows why you chose that, but I found it slightly funny. Heh.

    Well, keep up the good work my friend, and remember that things happen for a reason
    | Posted on 2010-03-28 00:00:00 | by Dark Dann | [ Reply to This ]
      hmmm.... I definatly feel the emotions coming from this Piece of poetry. Although It does seem choppy at first glances I noticed when read at the right pace and with thought in every word That one will definatly find its flow. Also I can easyly relate to the work because I ended a bad relationship 'round 6 months ago and The way this is written and at the proper pace definatly made me think of what happened to myself. OK overall well done but (even in a venting) try to make the flow just slightly more obvious for readers who might not understand exatly where these kind of words are flowing from.

    | Posted on 2010-03-28 00:00:00 | by Sepheroth432 | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]