March 18 by trinityfinger

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dots

<< | >>

Submission Name: March 18 dots

--------------------------------------------------------

Author:	trinityfinger
Elite Ratio:	3.53 - 136/343/209
Words:	100

Class/Type:	Random Thoughts/Vampire
Total Views:	867
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	624

Description:

March 18 dots

-------------------------------------------

You
trace metaphors into skin, jellied syntax
awash in synaesthesia, the sun and always the sun
a big, yellow magnet to hold every secret
in.

A tonal void, asymmetrical, a stony hunger,
dry lips, the fusion of discord and hopelessness
found in wayward freedom: melancholia
and dream despair, the march of forever
a fragmented mirror; and you,
verbiage and dissonance,
a beating heart to finger
unwinds and finds
solace in time.

Beat.
Rhythm.
A fragrant hunger.
Inside our skin.

Submitted on 2010-03-21 09:54:42 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  oh I love this piece of work. such a rhythm in the random thoughts. sprinkling glitters of words that made me read it again n again. favorite!
| Posted on 2012-02-24 00:00:00 | by Iram | [ Reply to This ]

You
trace metaphors into skin, jellied syntax
awash in synaesthesia, the sun and always the sun
a big, yellow magnet to hold every secret
in.

i thought that these lines were your strongest set in a very strong piece. you seem to have a fantastic way with words. i appreciate that very much.

there was a lot of imagery in this write tat speaks volumes. its heart-felt in a Gothic, ride me hard kind of way.

this is a great piece! i look forward to reading more of your stuff

-john-paul
| Posted on 2010-07-15 00:00:00 | by rev.jpfadeproof | [ Reply to This ]
  fcking hell man, do you breathe poetry? this was just too big for me to try and do it justice by adding my comments. All i can say is that this is just so balanced and free flowing that it really inspires me on so many levels it is hard to describe at all. Well done, this is really special.
| Posted on 2010-06-04 00:00:00 | by Clayman | [ Reply to This ]
  i like this
a lot.

i dont know the significance of the date.
although you would have your
personal reasons for it.

i would choose another
to fit
how i relate to this gem.

i like the idea of a huge magnet
holding ion secrets and i love the idea of a fragrant hunger beneath the skin.

i have not commentated much recently on anything
life rushes past my ear these days.
i cannot understand how anyone can
have the time to be bored.
i just didnt want another week to fly by
without checking in
to let you know
that i still spend my
spare online hours
reading through your
incredible works of art.
you are a wonder! j

| Posted on 2010-05-21 00:00:00 | by Alter idem | [ Reply to This ]
  I've read this several times... I still have no words for it.
| Posted on 2010-04-27 00:00:00 | by Runes | [ Reply to This ]
  Glad to see that you still write like a lover.
| Posted on 2010-04-06 00:00:00 | by ANGELO | [ Reply to This ]
  Nothing, huh...well, too bad.

I'm leaving something, even if it's not much of anything, even if it's repetitive like:

This is lovely, and harmonious like two heartbeats/breathing rhythms trying to match each other, y'know? Have you ever done that? Tried to match your breathing to someone elses? Damn near impossible. I've always craved that symmetry, but only lately realized how to achieve it.

And there's a wholeness, before everything goes beating it's separate rhythms again.

Especially love the first stanza.

Oh, and: Hi.

-Emeya
| Posted on 2010-03-22 00:00:00 | by Lady of Shalott | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece? 7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?

183920

Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
It means a lot to them, as it does to you.
Summer written by layDsayD
Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
In My Head written by faideddarkness
One Thing written by Wolfwatching
4th of July written by layDsayD
102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
Date night written by expiring_touch
Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
Once Again written by krs3332003
Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
Trails written by Daniel Barlow
Skin of Fables written by ShadowParadox
To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
Wasps written by Wolfwatching
It's Night Now written by RisingSon
Push written by JanePlane
Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
Life changes in a moment written by Ramneet
This written by Chelebel
Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
new moon written by CrypticBard
Be Free written by hybridsongwrite
A Sonnet for Nina written by SavedDragon
cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard

Enter your search terms Submit search form

Web www.eliteskills.com

[ Quick Signup ]
[ Lost Password ]

January 10 07
131,497 Poems
Posted

I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

[ Angst Poetry ]
[ Cutters ]
[ Famous Poetry ]
[ Poetry Scams ]

FontSize:
[ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]

Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3 It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
It means a lot to them, as it does to you.