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    dots Submission Name: Bad Daydots

    Author: kession
    ASL Info:    18~M~ok
    Elite Ratio:    3.16 - 115/156/63
    Words: 233
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 733
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1416


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBad Daydots

    In my eyes i do the best,
    to be just what you want,
    but no matter what I do,
    it never seems like enough.

    I want to be happy,
    not argue or fight,
    but when I seem to be doin so good,
    nothing turns out right.

    You say I make you feel bad,
    if I ever do, let me know,
    I can't not do it,
    if you never tell me so.

    But at the same time,
    you do the same to me,
    you make me feel like I don't try,
    like I'm not good enough, like I never will be.

    You think your words don't hurt,
    just cuz I'm a guy,
    but the thing you're not seeing,
    is that I cry inside.

    Wondering if I'll ever feel good enough,
    if I'll be able to buy you the things you want,
    if I'll be able to support a family,
    if I'll be able to give enough.

    Are you gonna be mine forever,
    will we make it through rough stuff,
    will I always have your love,
    or will you just give up?

    These are the things I think about,
    when we have a bad day,
    because you think that I don't care,
    about the things you say.

    The fact is I do,
    and I always will,
    as long as we're together,
    as long as you're here.

    Submitted on 2010-03-21 21:22:12     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This is very soulful, and describes what a lot of us guys feel about a gal we're seriously in love with. Funny thing, we never feel like we're good enough for that one special girl. I lost a gal I was crazy about because I thought she deserved only the most handsome and popular guys in school, and not some country slob like me. I found out years later that she really loved me, and my concerns were in vain; she just wanted me to love her and her only.

    Nice work!
    | Posted on 2010-08-25 00:00:00 | by Ron Cole | [ Reply to This ]
      I agree with Ramneet. it seems like you really care about who this is intended for, but the flow of the piece didn't feel right. it flowed alright in some parts and then just fell off in others. I would say work on your wording and placement.
    | Posted on 2010-03-25 00:00:00 | by Darkest Flaw | [ Reply to This ]
      You seem to really care for your lover and crave for her love. Love brings lot of pain also. Love grows when people tend to comprehend each other. I wish you good luck for better understanding and never to have such bad days. Nice write. You can make it a bit more rhythmic.
    | Posted on 2010-03-22 00:00:00 | by Ramneet | [ Reply to This ]

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