Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: You unwrap medots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: purplesun24
    Elite Ratio:    4.41 - 1139/1171/167
    Words: 92
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 896
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 626



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsYou unwrap medots
    -------------------------------------------


    You were there
    As my world fell apart
    Your arms held me
    As if trying to hold together my heart

    Each word
    Putting it back together
    Piece
    By
    peace


    Youíve always been the only one
    To know
    Whatís hidden behind
    These tombs in
    my soul

    And Iíve never been afraid
    Of letting you in

    Each time
    I need you

    Layer
    By
    Layer
    Tear
    By
    Tear
    You unwrap me











    Submitted on 2010-03-23 20:06:02     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      i like this piece...

    simple kind of wording is effective here, and the way it is presented is good as the poem unwraps, word by word phrase by phrase, just as the significant other in the speaker's life unwraps her "layer by layer/ tear by tear."

    also like the "piece by peace"

    jacob
    | Posted on 2011-05-14 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked the poem, but am not really a fan of the formatting. It reads well, but seems drawn-out to me. If this was your intention, then forgive me. If I were to re-format it, I would do it like this:

    You were there
    As my world fell apart
    Your arms held me
    As if trying to hold together my heart

    Each word
    Putting it back together
    Piece by peace


    Youíve always been the only one
    To know
    Whatís hidden behind
    These tombs in
    my soul

    And Iíve never been afraid
    Of letting you in

    Each time
    I need you

    Layer By Layer
    Tear By Tear

    You unwrap me

    Anyways, just some thoughts.
    Thank you!





    | Posted on 2010-03-24 00:00:00 | by raincloud | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    183968

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe
    Push written by JanePlane
    untitled written by Chelebel
    It's been a while written by Sharati_hottie
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    Life changes in a moment written by Ramneet
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    A Sonnet for Nina written by SavedDragon
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    The Promise written by annie0888
    Incubus written by monad
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    To written by SavedDragon
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    You Make Me speechless written by elephantasia
    To Glow written by krs3332003
    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    Be Free written by hybridsongwrite
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    Giving written by jjd
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry