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    dots Submission Name: emotionsdots

    Author: MINTPATTY
    Elite Ratio:    2.47 - 18/2/7
    Words: 175
    Class/Type: Poetry/Venting
    Total Views: 628
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1175

       check it lemme kno wat ya think

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    strong, controlling
    corn on tha cob
    world whirling
    but stopped and splattered
    on life's dinner platter
    fighting for the knowlegde (or the hope)
    of what truely matters
    like a drop of rain falling gracefully
    til it hits the ground
    gracefully falling i am
    to the impending doom i've found
    Blinding, inner nail biting
    is the only sound
    that seems to haunt and surround
    caught in this ploy to be found and destroyed
    my heart heaves this burden
    of chain reactions
    my eyes and my soul blackened
    Listening, recieving, but only feeling
    Tell me
    What is it you think you're acheiving?
    In this war in which no one's keeping score
    what a painful bore...
    one i am no longer willing to watch
    Lock me tight in this pine box
    And maybe memories of what use
    to be won't come back to haunt you
    until you bleed
    I articulated these emotions now im freed
    Aren't you so proud of me?
    Humor me in this irony
    of how the blind made the blind see

    Submitted on 2010-03-24 12:38:49     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      "life's dinner platter"

    nice...i think it may suit you to extend that metaphor throughout the poem....

    there are some good ideas in this...but a bit scattered and unconnected...

    taking a metaphor and sustaining it throughout...would be a nice movement...
    articulating emotions like sitting down to a three course meal.

    | Posted on 2011-04-19 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]

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