Loving You Still -------------------------------------------
Loving You Still
By: Jamie Redlawsk
Would you ever believe
That I love you still?
Now itís corrupted all around us
And a hole I canít fill
But itís better you see
At least for one time
That my heart never beat faster
Than when you were mine
And I never grinned wider
Well, that was obviously true
Couldnít you see it when my eyes gleamed
Only then, just for you?
Couldnít you feel the heat blazing off me
Night after night
When my voice rang with laughter
And the world was too bright?
Couldnít you have tried stopping me
When I started to fly?
Reached out a hand and held me back
Because you knew I might die?
Iíll always know you saw the blood I was destined to spill
And even that doesnít change it
Iím loving you still
I noted that all the explicitly suicidal authors here on ES, and all of the "cutters", were young women. Well, I'm an old man so there is a ... gap in understanding? Eventually I asked the right person about this, and she told me very clearly about the place and the symbolism of blood in a woman's life.
It's possible that with an active-imagination process - a ritual with fake blood or a dreaming with fantasy imagery, in fact some artform, some people could satisfy the self-harm urge without actually harming themselves.
In a secular, individualistic civilization, we tend to forget what older cultures had learned about managing human nature!
Sorry, but I've been hanging out for a chance to say that to somebody! Even though you say the author of this poem is Jamie.
About the poem's construction, it seems kind of naive (just meaning that the poet would be no expert in verseforms), except for that expert move of emphasizing "loving you still" with a set of rhymes linking the beginning with the end of the poem. That really is cool.
Therefore I like the poem a lot because the poet is capable in a literary sense, yet is passionately going for self-expression without weakening that by over-elaborating the artwork. I'm sure this is the right attitude for amateur poets - that is, all poets except about one in a million who publish a lot!