Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Loving You Stilldots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Anneboleyn707
    ASL Info:    18/Female/Pennsylvania
    Elite Ratio:    3.96 - 44/84/67
    Words: 144
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 695
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 907



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLoving You Stilldots
    -------------------------------------------


    Loving You Still
    By: Jamie Redlawsk

    Would you ever believe
    That I love you still?
    Now itís corrupted all around us
    And a hole I canít fill
    But itís better you see
    At least for one time
    That my heart never beat faster
    Than when you were mine
    And I never grinned wider
    Well, that was obviously true
    Couldnít you see it when my eyes gleamed
    Only then, just for you?
    Couldnít you feel the heat blazing off me
    Night after night
    When my voice rang with laughter
    And the world was too bright?
    Couldnít you have tried stopping me
    When I started to fly?
    Reached out a hand and held me back
    Because you knew I might die?
    Iíll always know you saw the blood I was destined to spill
    And even that doesnít change it
    Iím loving you still




    Submitted on 2010-03-24 13:45:12     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I noted that all the explicitly suicidal authors here on ES, and all of the "cutters", were young women. Well, I'm an old man so there is a ... gap in understanding? Eventually I asked the right person about this, and she told me very clearly about the place and the symbolism of blood in a woman's life.

    It's possible that with an active-imagination process - a ritual with fake blood or a dreaming with fantasy imagery, in fact some artform, some people could satisfy the self-harm urge without actually harming themselves.

    In a secular, individualistic civilization, we tend to forget what older cultures had learned about managing human nature!

    Sorry, but I've been hanging out for a chance to say that to somebody! Even though you say the author of this poem is Jamie.

    About the poem's construction, it seems kind of naive (just meaning that the poet would be no expert in verseforms), except for that expert move of emphasizing "loving you still" with a set of rhymes linking the beginning with the end of the poem. That really is cool.

    Therefore I like the poem a lot because the poet is capable in a literary sense, yet is passionately going for self-expression without weakening that by over-elaborating the artwork. I'm sure this is the right attitude for amateur poets - that is, all poets except about one in a million who publish a lot!

    | Posted on 2010-03-24 00:00:00 | by lakesblue | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    183984

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    I Do, I Do written by poetotoe
    The Azores written by poetotoe
    Love written by saartha
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (7) written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (final) written by endlessgame23
    Physician, Heal Thyself written by WriteSomething
    Primitive Lapse written by Crestfallenman
    True Death written by layDsayD
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Etiquette written by saartha
    More then just goodbye written by faideddarkness
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Cover written by saartha
    untitled written by ShyOne
    World I No Longer Want written by ForgottenGraves
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    AI written by poetotoe
    written by Daniel Barlow
    descent written by TheBadSadMan
    The Severed Head written by HisNameIsNoMore
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    Summer written by layDsayD
    the living moment written by ShyOne
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    Your Lover written by Cordell
    Dashboard Light written by layDsayD
    winners circle written by ShyOne

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry