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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: In the Setting Sun, the Lines are Drawndots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: caelyn rose
    ASL Info:    19/F/Va
    Elite Ratio:    2.96 - 4/8/11
    Words: 291
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 453
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1909



    Description:
       


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    dotsIn the Setting Sun, the Lines are Drawndots
    -------------------------------------------


    the lines are drawn, it has begun
    a battle cry- a piercing
    scream into the air,
    echoing, echoing throughout the ears
    of soldiers marked for battle.

    A setting sun casts orange shades
    reflected off of armor;
    bayonetís gleam and helmets shine
    as men face off for war.

    A shot rings out,
    the first of many,
    and strikes a foe in the heart
    blood is spilt on colorless sand
    staining it a red reminder
    of evil that has come

    explosions shatter in the air
    casting fire in the coming night
    men are thrown to and fro
    as machines of war are fired

    against natures course they fight
    destroying g lives, destroying loves
    all in the light of the setting sun

    the lines are drawn
    the blood is spilled

    as they rest in unmarked graves of sand
    just the decaying flesh
    that war inspires
    as worms and beetles eat their hearts
    and settle in their concave minds
    for what glory is there in death?

    men cry out in pain and fear
    at the approaching darkness
    dragged back from battle lines
    they moan and cry
    and mourn the loss
    of limbs and friends and peaceful nights

    for the peace of mind
    they used to covet
    but now has been replaced
    by gore and death, in the face
    of someone just like them

    the guns have quieted
    the stars are out-glinting
    hazily through the gun smoke
    the moon appears and men kneel
    to a God they never believed in

    the soldiers rest a few short hours
    for come dawns shining light
    awakening to the rising sun
    the war goes on
    the lines are drawn
    and the fighting never ceases.




    Submitted on 2010-03-25 22:40:18     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I really enjoyed this poem - it does what I wish that all of my poems could do, and that is tell a story. I am also a big fan of history - and this poem reminds me a lot of the civil war - although I feel from that it is probably about war in a general sense more than (don't know if you had a specific war in mind when writing it - the mention of armor definitely precludes the chance of it being about the civil war) anything else.

    they moan and cry
    and mourn the loss
    of limbs and friends and peaceful nights

    this part stood out to me, and really felt true and original at the same time.

    The only thing that I didn't like about the poem was the ending. The mention of

    "the moon appears and men kneel
    to a God they never believed in"

    really seemed like it was supposed to be a focal point in the story (maybe I am reading my own thoughts into it?) but then looses its momentum as poem keeps on going.

    In the end, it really reminds me of the book/movie Silent Night about the miracle Christmas truce in WW1 (the book is called Silent Night, the movie JOYEUX NOňL), but could be just me. Worth checking out though if you're interested that - the movie is very moving and encouraging.

    So yeah! thanks for the poem!
    | Posted on 2010-03-26 00:00:00 | by raincloud | [ Reply to This ]


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