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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Be a Birddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: lori_tab
    ASL Info:    27/f/alabama
    Elite Ratio:    4.33 - 1752/1517/481
    Words: 88
    Class/Type: Random Thoughts/Nature
    Total Views: 621
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 578



    Description:
       I didn't really plan on writing something like this so I guess this is more or less just getting a feeling off my chest. So critiques welcome if you have something similar you have experienced or you could see where I am coming from and can share a unique perspective to the world.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBe a Birddots
    -------------------------------------------


    How is it that this feeling seems to be shared
    in secret.

    That a garden is the only thing growing by these hands,
    and all these well planted words and songs and actions have,
    escaped.

    Tilted on the infinite planes of space,
    doing impossible things
    never creating so much as a shadow,
    merely reflecting a silhouette.

    I have grown

    And seen myself flying
    it was a thought that this life holds me down

    and someone whispers,
    be a bird





    Submitted on 2010-03-27 07:02:23     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This really is a most fine and unique piece of poetry, I thought the third stanza was exceptional... a fine reflective write, full of hope (which is a rare thing on this site.) loved it!
    | Posted on 2010-05-06 00:00:00 | by Algol46 | [ Reply to This ]
      I agree a really like this part


    'I have grown

    And seen myself flying
    it was a thought that this life holds me down

    and someone whispers,
    be a bird'


    However I feel the start could be more improved to create a more flowing rhythm which feels as if the words themselves could be flying. I feel the beginning is a little lost, whilst the end part seems much more resolved. However maybe thats what you were trying to convey
    | Posted on 2010-04-30 00:00:00 | by xdollpartsx | [ Reply to This ]
      Be a Bird... your title sums this up perfectly.
    Breaking free, taking flight... this is beautifully expressed and has its own secret light.
    | Posted on 2010-04-14 00:00:00 | by trinityfinger | [ Reply to This ]
      'I have grown

    And seen myself flying
    it was a thought that this life holds me down

    and someone whispers,
    be a bird'

    i love this part. and maybe it is because i have a thing about birds. though they ground me, inside at least, when everything else about me is flighty and lop-sided.

    idk... there is a freedom in this that i just really like. it provokes thought. or moreso a feeling.


    be a bird

    it's just wonderful.

    i don't know if this is relating or not. but...

    | Posted on 2010-03-30 00:00:00 | by isabella | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
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    184044

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