Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Dear Agonydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: poisonlovex3
    Elite Ratio:    0.52 - 0/1/1
    Words: 93
    Class/Type: Poetry/BrokenHeart
    Total Views: 441
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 636



    Description:
       I wrote this in December.It's one of my best poems..at least I think it is.But let me know if you like it or if it needs anything fixed (:


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDear Agonydots
    -------------------------------------------


    Dear Agony,
    Please take this pain away from me.
    Take my soul and let me be free.
    Your power over me has grown stronger yet.
    These scars on my body I can't forget.
    Everybody stares at me like I'm some kind of robot,that's incomplete.
    Agony,please get away from me.
    You have grown.
    Turned me into something ugly.
    Why?
    Why can't you leave?
    Oh,now I know why.
    I can't let you go.
    Without you,I'd have no strength in my bones.
    Agony,sweet agony.
    Won't you stay,and at least try and take my pain away?




    Submitted on 2010-03-30 14:19:30     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I like how it goes in and out of rhyme sceme. It keeps one focused on it and excited for the next line. I also enjoyed how easily someone could relate to it. Such as how at first you think its the depression clinging to you but in reality its you who cant let go of the release. Only possible advice i could give is a more descriptive vocabulary but other than that there is not a thing I could possibly correct.

    KAT
    | Posted on 2010-04-09 00:00:00 | by Shush49 | [ Reply to This ]
      I thought this was very well written. It tells a vivid story and paints quite a picture.

    Very well done.

    Frank.
    | Posted on 2010-03-30 00:00:00 | by Frank Maguire | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    184118

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Untitled written by Daniel Barlow
    Lie back & tan written by Daniel Barlow
    The World written by jjd
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow
    A Worsening Effect written by Daniel Barlow
    Whispered written by endlessgame23
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
    Mystery Read written by kyserin
    a leaf of shadow and edge written by Daniel Barlow
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    Hyle written by endlessgame23
    untitled written by Outlaw
    A bit of Pain written by teika5
    Rooted in Nature written by Chelebel
    Twin Intercept written by Daniel Barlow
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    no sky on the other side written by teika5
    The Want written by Daniel Barlow
    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23
    Live In Between written by teika5
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    Meaningless Meanings written by ForgottenGraves
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Starseed written by endlessgame23
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry