[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Dear Agonydots

    Author: poisonlovex3
    Elite Ratio:    0.52 - 0/1/1
    Words: 93
    Class/Type: Poetry/BrokenHeart
    Total Views: 473
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 636

       I wrote this in December.It's one of my best poems..at least I think it is.But let me know if you like it or if it needs anything fixed (:

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDear Agonydots

    Dear Agony,
    Please take this pain away from me.
    Take my soul and let me be free.
    Your power over me has grown stronger yet.
    These scars on my body I can't forget.
    Everybody stares at me like I'm some kind of robot,that's incomplete.
    Agony,please get away from me.
    You have grown.
    Turned me into something ugly.
    Why can't you leave?
    Oh,now I know why.
    I can't let you go.
    Without you,I'd have no strength in my bones.
    Agony,sweet agony.
    Won't you stay,and at least try and take my pain away?

    Submitted on 2010-03-30 14:19:30     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I like how it goes in and out of rhyme sceme. It keeps one focused on it and excited for the next line. I also enjoyed how easily someone could relate to it. Such as how at first you think its the depression clinging to you but in reality its you who cant let go of the release. Only possible advice i could give is a more descriptive vocabulary but other than that there is not a thing I could possibly correct.

    | Posted on 2010-04-09 00:00:00 | by Shush49 | [ Reply to This ]
      I thought this was very well written. It tells a vivid story and paints quite a picture.

    Very well done.

    | Posted on 2010-03-30 00:00:00 | by Frank Maguire | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    What happens written by Wolfwatching
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    Primitive Lapse written by Crestfallenman
    Whiteout written by layDsayD
    World I No Longer Want written by ForgottenGraves
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    Waiting written by Daniel Barlow
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (7) written by endlessgame23
    The Severed Head written by HisNameIsNoMore
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Before, Now, & After written by SincerWritinAsh
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Brigit written by endlessgame23
    More then just goodbye written by faideddarkness
    Alone in the Crowd written by SavedDragon
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    written by Daniel Barlow
    You do, I Do written by poetotoe
    Push written by JanePlane
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    written by Daniel Barlow
    descent written by TheBadSadMan
    Estranged / Shocks written by Daniel Barlow
    Every..... written by jackz
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Dashboard Light written by layDsayD




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]