(This has been brought to you in part by……
butt plug sex smell suicide choke finger fuck stuffing)
Are you tired of failing to kill yourself?
Are you a victim of life and have been suckered into buying products of poor quality like
diluted carbon monoxide
Look no further!
Check out my fine assortment of lethal methods for a very competitive low price!
Suicide today is relatively proven as one of America’s favorite pastimes!
Do you not want your experience to be as deadly
as your pathetic friend Michelle’s
Or as your slipshod Uncle Joe’s?
Look no Further!
My vast variety of self engagement products will surely fit all of your suicidal needs!
Firstly, I would like to present to you my fine line of knives.
We have switch blades for the 13 year old dead beat daddies of the inner city.
And BEAUTIFUL butter knives for the emotionally neglected suburban child.
And a rare, one of a kind steak knife for the economic needs of a hillbilly who feels he needs to gut himself out like a trout in a hurry.
You can have the entire set for this low introductory price and very soon you can be part of a human shish kabob as well!
Next, If you would like a more subtle, high or exotic way of exiting this cruel earth, try a bottle of MyX’s Assorted Pretty Colors. The very mystery of it all is exciting.
Do not just settle for jaundice, diarrhea, vomiting, convulsions or comas. An 85mph ride to the hospital never prevented any of us from living! With these blacks, whites, blues, reds and limited time offer greens…surely your bound for a pleasant self indictment and eventually a plunge into death.
Thirdly, try this can of Raid. Life as an insect can be quite testing. Why not kill yourself off in a way that will leave them talking? After all, its what you have wanted all this time, is it not? Besides the fact that this method works better than those little white packets that fall from your mother’s pillow cases when she returns from another ridiculous shopping spree…it works WAY better than the fists your daddy uses to beat her into a bloody pile of tar tar. It also works 24 times faster than all 24 cans of Budweiser in his refrigerator.
Finally, I would like to refer you to this fine plastic rope. One that wont fray, one that is transparent and wont be detected by those heart sops trying to save you. This particular item comes with a free chair….A FREE CHAIR! You pay nothing! Go out in style with this fine oak finish and hand carved legs. (hehe, get it? Carved?)
Logic is a tool of desperation. And you are very desperate you poor soul, and I sympathize. I am here for you. End it today! Just dial this toll free number
1-800-DIE-TODAY and order one of the above methods.
DON’T be a victim of society another moment!
KILL off yourself and the memories of you today!
YOUR order will arrive in one to three business days.
SELF improvement is the only answer.