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    dots Submission Name: Crooked Teethdots

    Author: istalkmurdoch
    Elite Ratio:    7.06 - 129/48/25
    Words: 121
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 525
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 758

       I'm falling for someone

    simple as that

    comment pleeze >_<

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsCrooked Teethdots

    when I called
    and you didn't answer
    my heart stopped for a moment
    my veins filled with cancer

    when you called me back
    then said "how are you"
    my heart filled with so much joy
    all my attention on you

    even though I could only hear you voice
    I could see you in my head
    you cute crooked teeth
    those blue eyes that shock me dead

    your curly hair
    like a brunette angel
    you look so precious
    from every angle

    until the time we speak again
    every moment I can't hear you voice
    I will have to restrain the urge to call you
    I have to make that choice

    Submitted on 2010-04-02 20:42:43     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
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    ||| Comments |||
      your curly hair
    like a brunette angel
    you look so precious
    from every angle

    Favorite part...it was very simplistic yet alluring and sensual. Thought it was nice overall, you've got skills man.
    | Posted on 2010-05-05 00:00:00 | by Cayman | [ Reply to This ]
      I know the feeling, its like you want to call but you dont want to be known as the stalker.
    | Posted on 2010-05-04 00:00:00 | by SammySueYou | [ Reply to This ]
      Yes, it's cute! and cuddly. I think the unusual bit which makes it a memorable love-poem is how you actually describe that person's personality and appearance. Also, how you do that in very few words that suggest more than they state.

    A lot of lovers are in love with somebody just because they are getting a good response from them. I remember being nuts about a girl who looked marvellous, attracting my attention, but instantly disliking her about three weeks later when I talked with her for the first time! And one girl-friend, I couldn't remember the colours of her eyes and hair when a friend asked me what she looked like - but I didn't care because she was sleeping with me. I didn't care what sort of person she was. Well, this poem looks like you aren't making either of those mistakes, so I like it a lot because of its friendly and loving expression, even though the verse-craft is not very skilful.

    It just shows what is important about amateur poetry: honest and vivid expression rather than university elitism.

    In rhyming angle with angel, you have a heavyweight backer: the earliest example I know is from Saint Augustine, the bishop who first organized the Catholic Church in Saxon England!

    English is a really difficult language for rhymes because there aren't as many as in most other languages (so I read somewhere) so that the most determined poets seem to be those who develop semi-rhyming or go to blank or free verse. Us rhymers are cool because we are so brave!
    | Posted on 2010-04-11 00:00:00 | by Glen Bowman | [ Reply to This ]
      I love it, it's cute.
    God Bless!
    | Posted on 2010-04-03 00:00:00 | by lynn7 | [ Reply to This ]

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