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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Day the Sun Went Out (Outline)dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Black Angel
    ASL Info:    22/F/Tx
    Elite Ratio:    2 - 16/96/96
    Words: 420
    Class/Type: Story/Dark
    Total Views: 1235
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2262



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Day the Sun Went Out (Outline)dots
    -------------------------------------------


    The day the sun went out was a nice day. Birds sang and children played. Workers were just getting home and dinner was getting started. A normal happy day. Then everything went dark. People stood outside their house in utter awe and confusion. What could have caused this; they ask each other and them selves. Suspicion began to arise against other countries and neighbors. It was soon found this had occurred everywhere during the same time of day. (meaning at 17:54 in England the sun went out. At 17:54 in Canada the sun went out) No one had a clue as to what was happening until the Russians sent fifty planes out to explore. What they found was the world had created so much pollution that the Earth, in order to protect its self, created a barrier of black smoke that kept any more pollutants from destroying what was left of the ozone. This barrier soon to be named Noir kept any and all gases, smoke, smog, and other dangerous materials bellow its self, trapping it all in human reach. Sickness and famine broke out shortly afterwards, and it was soon decided that the world could not go on like this. In record time a single government was created. This government put into effect Operation Under which was a system of tunnels was dug and underground cities were created. Operation Under was only supposed to be a temporary fix until a new longer term solution was found, but that never happened. Years and years and soon decades went by and slowly everyone forgot about living above ground until no one really cared any more. The outside world fascinated only teens in their need for exploration. Every once in a while a group of teens would find their way out and never return. No one cared to know if everything was fixed yet, if Noir had vanished, or if the Earth healed its self.
    A myth was created of a paradise beyond the stone walls of the Underground. It was a myth of grass and trees; of wild birds and animals that sing, and of this fabled Sun. The Sun, such a wondrous mystery to those who have only seen the light of a bulb; how could such a thing light up so much! Due to this myth a many of kids ranging from the ages of ten to nineteen joined a group who had the ambition to move back up to the surface. This is where we are now.




    Submitted on 2010-04-06 14:13:55     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      The day the sun went out was a nice day.

    Birds sang and children played. Workers were just getting home and dinner was (being prepared). (It was a) normal happy day. Then everything went dark. People stood outside their houses in utter awe and confusion.

    "What could have caused this?" they asked each other.

    Suspicions began to arise against other countries and neighbors. It was soon found (that) this had occurred everywhere @ the same (moment). No one had a clue as to what was happening until the Russians sent fifty planes out to (search for clues). (They found that) the world (was covered with) so much pollution that the Earth, in order to protect itself, created a barrier of black smoke that kept any more pollutants from destroying what was left of the ozone. This barrier (soon to be named Noir) kept any and all gases, smoke, smog, and other dangerous materials (trapped below within) human reach. Sickness and famine broke out shortly afterwards, and it was soon decided that the world could not go on like this.

    In (no time at all), a single government was created. This government put into effect "Operation Under," which was a system of tunnels dug underground (where) cities were created. Operation Under was only supposed to be a temporary fix until a new longer term solution was found, but that never happened. Years and years and soon decades went by and slowly everyone forgot about living above ground. (Soon,) no one really cared any more. The outside world fascinated only teens (in their need to explore). Every once in a while, a group of teens would find their way out and never return. No one cared to know if everything was fixed yet, if Noir had vanished, or if the Earth (had) healed its self.

    A myth was created of a paradise beyond the stone walls of the Underground. It was a myth of grass and trees' of wild birds and animals that sing, and of the fabled Sun. The Sun: such a wondrous mystery to those who have only seen the light of a bulb. How could such a thing light up so much! (Thanks) to this myth, many kids ranging from the ages of ten to nineteen joined a group who had the ambition to move back up to the surface. This is where we are now.


    Ok, I made a few slight edits to your outline to smooth out any awkwardness. This is an interesting ecological allegory. Will there be more?
    | Posted on 2012-08-24 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]
      I have explained this once already. It is not the full story. It is a story outline, which is why the name was changed. I assumed if there is one idiot out there to miss the point it was an outline there would be more. There is no section for me to say it is an outline. THe written out story will follow the out line in chapters as soon as they are finished. Now stop posting unhelpful infromation to me. You are being of no help at all because you are telling me things you already said and I already explained to you.

    _Kayame_
    | Posted on 2010-04-08 00:00:00 | by Black Angel | [ Reply to This ]
      Why did you re-post this unfinished mess under a different name? like I said before It needs major work before it can be called a story. here is a small list of short term objectives for you.

    introduce setting and universe : complete (needs work)
    introduce main character: incomplete
    introduce major plot arc : incomplete
    introduce supporting/minor characters: incomplete
    introduce antagonist/s : incomplete

    this list should help highlight the goals you need accomplish before character development and major conflicts can occur.

    Also i recommend changing it science fantasy so you can make a non-scientific reason for the barrier or make the barrier the by product of humans so the plot can work with it's logic better.
    | Posted on 2010-04-08 00:00:00 | by HeWantsToKnow | [ Reply to This ]


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