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    dots Submission Name: Child Abusedots

    Author: col13x
    Elite Ratio:    2.26 - 119/300/559
    Words: 305
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 402
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1908


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsChild Abusedots

    I have to live with this sickening paranoia
    That some how you all know
    And can see right into
    The guilt
    As I walk down the street
    Wearing the invisible T shirt
    Of my deep dark secret

    I have to go out
    Even though the tips of my fingers feel
    Like ice
    And even though my stomach churns
    I need to be out in the sun

    Sometimes I wish the world were empty
    I wish you would all
    Just leave me alone
    Isnít it enough that I could just throw up
    Leaving my own front door

    I have to live with this sickening paranoia
    As if every eye could pierce
    My weakest point
    And reveal me
    Cold and sweated
    Behind these make believe masks
    Of smooth well adjusted confidence

    Just over wound clock springs

    I have to rewire them
    And tell myself itís ok
    Youíre not acting weird today

    But I am

    I have to kid myself that I am ok
    And glide
    Pursue a well-practised ease of being
    While the jittered and screaming part of me
    I am always watching

    I watch as life goes on around me
    Never quite in it
    Never quite a part of it
    It happens
    And as it happens
    I am left with this sense
    Of this longing to touch it

    Nothing flows quite the way it should

    And no one knows the buried part of my soul

    I should consider myself fortunate
    I think
    For having lived on the edge outside the edge
    I am able to witness
    I see you
    I see you all
    I know you all so very well
    I am after all well versed in all the aspects
    Of silent suffering

    Submitted on 2010-04-12 12:50:49     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Dam... i'm not sure if this is fiction or something you've gone through but as you've read my posts i can most certaintly relate if you've felt such pain and if so i am so very sorry. i hope posting this helps and although it's taken me awhile to stumble apon this post of yours i'm glad it was late rather than never coming across it.

    | Posted on 2010-11-02 00:00:00 | by jackz | [ Reply to This ]

    I think you have captured the essence of the suffering of someone who has suffered abuse as a child.

    All to often the victim feels a sense of shame as if he / she did something wrong, when in reality the wrong was done TO them.

    You have portrayed this feeling very well.

    Well written.

    | Posted on 2010-04-16 00:00:00 | by Psyve | [ Reply to This ]

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