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    dots Submission Name: Dawndots

    Author: RisingSon
    Elite Ratio:    1.69 - 7/79/52
    Words: 155
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 653
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 968


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    I was only looking for an answer
    I was only holding on too long
    It never really meant much for the moment
    And now the future is past and gone

    Could it be that someone found a reason
    Could it be that somewhere thereís a spark
    Now the nighttime is leaving an old tracing
    Itís not enough to forget the dawn

    Watching slow motion stall the dancers
    Catch the floor and shape the arc
    The leaves arenít dead, no theyíre living
    in the soft grass
    Waiting for the world to start

    You were only looking for the question
    You were only holding out for hope
    And the rope you left hanging from the sharp edge
    Becomes the rope that binds this heart

    Catching the last train to the mountains
    The anguished sound as you depart
    In the new dawn there is no night
    to consider
    Losing sleep and worlds apart

    Submitted on 2010-04-12 13:39:38     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This is remarkably well written. You started with one version, "I was only looking for an answer/I was only holding on too long" and closed the piece with the same graceful transition but in reverse. Personally, it spoke to me about what is happening with something in my life.
    I'm adding you to my favorites. I really loved this piece, truly.
    | Posted on 2010-04-30 00:00:00 | by Celeste J. Bell | [ Reply to This ]
      I enjoyed the dichotomy in this. Pairing night and dawn, living and dead, future and past within the same stanzas is refreshing, imho. Two sides of a coin...and certainly true to life and life's paradoxes.

    (a brief aside re: previous comment... I didn't get any cowboy vibe from reading this; I am blind, ignorant or both. And heartfelt words aren't worn laundry on the line; they are comfortable, well traveled shoes)

    I enjoyed the read! Thanks for posting and sharing.
    | Posted on 2010-04-12 00:00:00 | by latentlylyrical | [ Reply to This ]
      I was only looking for an answer
    I was only holding on too long
    It never really meant much for the moment
    And now the future is past and gone

    Could it be that someone found a reason
    Could it be that somewhere thereís a spark


    You were only looking for the question

    The poem would be just fine without those lines. The repetitiveness isn't very appealing or very rhythmical. It's too heartfelt. Dried up and hung on the line. Too forceful. Maybe even a bit too dull. And not very complimentary to the poem, which, by the way, has a pretty neat image of saloon-type love. Like the song Dustland Fairytale by the Killers. Why are people obsessed with cowboys? Is it because they're distant fuc4ers? Or because they carry guns? They're all shallow and dusty. It's not very desirable for those who want something substantial. It's like one of those images, or phases you go through, trying to be this masculine THING. Aloof. And dangerous. They're suicidal pussies anyway. Why did you do this to the future generations, Clint Eastwood...
    I like this poem without those lines, did I tell you that? Read it. Don't have to change it, but read it. It sounds less desperate and heartachy.
    | Posted on 2010-04-12 00:00:00 | by JenFlynn | [ Reply to This ]

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