Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Crashdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: wovenwords
    ASL Info:    19/F/Washington
    Elite Ratio:    2.46 - 108/303/189
    Words: 215
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1028
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 1428



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsCrashdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Letís think back to how it all
    happened with such leisure,

    the calm, steady whoosh of air through
    the windows of your car, your breaths

    like a metronome, andante, my mind lost to
    airy thoughts, a casual elbow propped

    up in the space where the window
    would be. The pavement ahead glowed,

    rainwater tinged with city lights
    like liquid gold, a yellow brick road,

    if you would, oozing towards
    dimming nighttime skyscrapers.

    The sound of my mouth opening
    to tell you something, a small smack,

    a shriek, and smashing metal
    like the violent clang of a cast-iron pan

    crashing to a tile floor as you watch
    helplessly. In this moment the hands

    on my watch breathe laboriously, the agonizing
    sluggishness of a dream where one canít quite outrun

    a rapid pursuer. The pan wobbles back
    and forth, its vibrations becoming

    smaller, until it settles and sits still.
    We lean back with our hands over

    our hearts. Absentmindedly, we watch
    the other woman climb out of her car,

    portly and obstinate-looking under a bob
    of silver hair, and when we get out

    to observe the damage, she doesnít
    even offer a word of apology.




    Submitted on 2010-04-12 19:40:02     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Kristen,

    Nicely done.

    I like the way you have slowed down time at the moment of the impact.

    The small details that seem so incongruous to the severity of the damage.

    I also liked your ending where you leave us with a sense of relief that the accident wasnt any worse than a relatively minor crash...

    Psyve
    | Posted on 2010-04-16 00:00:00 | by Psyve | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    184402

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry