Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Blue eyes and soft curlsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Dark Dann
    ASL Info:    18/ Male/ San Diego
    Elite Ratio:    6.44 - 78/67/53
    Words: 244
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 739
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1598



    Description:
       A quick piece, while I was listening to a song from the piano.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBlue eyes and soft curlsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Storms, they rage outside without a calm in sight
    The lightning strikes down on the earth
    Shattering the silence in my world.
    A cold and dead world; a world without you.
    A black void consumes my soul as I stare out the window
    Tears rolling down my...

    Silence. A momentary calm has passed by
    Another second, and you'll soon fly
    away? Without a trace.
    I sink my head into a pillow
    drown out my muffled cries
    Despair strikes me hard
    Silence now, little one.
    Time is wasting, right?

    But I still believe in a beautiful day.
    I still believe the skies aren't gray
    But it's so hard to make sense of all this
    when you're not here, by me

    But I won't give up
    I won't failter
    I'll stand up and fight
    Even if I can only cry
    Fight I must, cause I believe, I believe..
    That one day you'll be back by my side.

    Should I swallow my pride and just give up?
    Should I erase all the memories I had of you?
    I don't like to think so, because...
    I love you.

    Just pass away, storm.
    Disappear and leave me be.

    Tomorrow it'll be a beautiful day.
    One worth living again
    Such a beautiful day,
    such a beautiful gaze
    Blue eyes, blue eyes, and soft curls
    Stare down at me from across the road.
    Lonely? It's just my own reflection.

    I'm not alone. Not alone.




    Submitted on 2010-04-16 12:04:09     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      For some reason this strikes me as more of a song than a poem. I hope you like Country music and that I am not offending you by saying so, but I thought immediately of Garth Brooks' "No Fences" which I listened to many a moon ago on cassette (rofl). The first song is "The Thunder Rolls", and, in case you have never heard it, begins with a sound of thunder and hard rain, which my Dad and I used to crank in the new car when Mom wasn't around.

    I actually didn't read the description to start, and now that I look at it, I'm not surprised you wrote this with music in the background. Though the words are slightly cliché, they are carried off well with a subtle flow that would suit music well.

    soul-hugger
    | Posted on 2010-04-16 00:00:00 | by Soul-Hugger | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    184472

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Records I written by Raphael
    Redemption written by poetotoe
    untitled written by ShyOne
    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Life is moments written by Ramneet
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (1) written by endlessgame23
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (2) written by endlessgame23
    Journey written by endlessgame23
    i've missed written by mysalvation
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Reliquary of Writ written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (6) written by endlessgame23
    Relativity written by poetotoe
    Cover written by saartha
    I, Plutarch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    Shi written by ShyOne
    Birds of a Feather written by poetotoe
    mimicry written by expiring_touch

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry