This site will self destruct in 2 months, March 17.
It will come back, and be familiar and at the same time completely different.
All content will be deleted. Backup anything important.
--- Staff
Roleplay Cloud -

Sign up to EliteSkills

Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

veins burning in the key of october.

Author: caster
ASL Info:    31.M.MO
Elite Ratio:    3.34 - 136 /280 /161
Words: 105
Class/Type: Poetry /Misc
Total Views: 1335
Average Vote:    4.0000
Bytes: 726


about: her.

feedback: just feelings. did it strike a nerve? dig up a memory? make you sick? etc. i don't want to know what words you'd change or how the 'structure' is off, or 'why don't you capitalize?'. just feelings. honest feelings.

veins burning in the key of october.

sun fell down
hands tremble,
just to feel like home
remembering whatever
brings you down

/ink to put you underground
just below the ocean
i saw in your eyes

moon rose up
lungs stutter,
a warning you've found
forgetting the lessons
this should have formed

/hurt to take you off a pedastal
just enough to let you know
i put you there

black-eye ceiling
is this really what you wanted?
cause i'll settle in,
but i haven't slept in days

/ache to set these words to music
and dig them up to you;
do you come down or dance?

Submitted on 2010-04-28 15:16:08     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!



/hurt to take you off a pedastal
just enough to let you know
i put you there

makes me ache.

I honestly can't say more. Amazing.
| Posted on 2010-05-01 00:00:00 | by opheliasank | [ Reply to This ]
  This poem is very beautiful! I was impressed by the creative words you used and the originality of your lines. There were no clichés, this was all from the heart. Furthermore, I really enjoyed the flow of the lines as they feel almost like a song and were very easy to follow. Overall you conveyed the feelings of being trapped to me that I could really relate to. It was edgy and dark but still relatable to the everyday person. Bravo!

| Posted on 2010-04-28 00:00:00 | by Anneboleyn707 | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?