My love by rosealiehale

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Submission Name: My love dots

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Author:	rosealiehale
ASL Info:	22/F/Las Vegas
Elite Ratio:	1.65 - 72/39/25
Words:	64

Class/Type:	Poetry/Serious
Total Views:	767
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	417

Description:

My love

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Darling I loved you,
You put me to shame.

My hearts been broken
and you're to blame.

I don't want your lies, your so full of it, please just leave.

I dont need you,
Your a fucking tease.

Your love isn't real.
I can't take the pain.

And here I lay, my lifes been shattered and completely slain.

Submitted on 2010-04-29 13:42:45 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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||| Comments |||
  Sounds more like "My Hate" rather then "My Love"... I am really not into the foul language in poetry... but to each their own...

As far as structure.. you need to have a better syllable count ... and complete the rhyme as started in the first stanza...

emotionally I almost felt your pain...

work on it and it could be a perfect poem!!

Thank you for sharing /Lauren
| Posted on 2010-05-07 00:00:00 | by ilaurenloves | [ Reply to This ]
  letting out anger is good,but love is all we have.peace,it could use some work.
| Posted on 2010-05-01 00:00:00 | by crispylove | [ Reply to This ]
  i think you need to work on that and go to the councler thank you
| Posted on 2010-04-29 00:00:00 | by angelagresham19 | [ Reply to This ]

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Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3 It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
It means a lot to them, as it does to you.