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CARING FROM THE VERY FIRST MINUTE,
KNOWING THERE IS A BABY ON BOARD.
GOING THRU PAIN, TO BE HANDED A
BABY WRAPPED TIGHTLY IN A BLANKET.
LOOKS AT THE FACE PEEPING OUT &
KNOWS IN ONE LOOK HER NAME.
TEARS OF JOY, FAMILY,& FRIENDS,
GREETINGS CARDS,BALOONS &
FLOWERS ADDRESSED TO A BEAUTIFUL
WOMAN. A WOMAN THIS SWADDLED
BABY WILL LEARN TO CALL MOTHER.
THE YEARS PASS TOO FAST, MEMORIES
ARE MADE THAT YOU WILL TAKE TO THE
GRAVE. SOME FUNNY SOME SAD.
AN UNSPOKEN BOND NOT TO BE BROKEN.
THE BABY IS NOW A TODDLER DRAGGING
AROUND A DIRTY PINK DOLL. A GIFT FROM
HER MOM, ONE OF MANY. LIKE THE LOVE
SHE GIVES WITHOUT QUESTION. TIME
SPENT TEACHING, PLAYING, LAUGHING
ALWAYS BY HER SIDE, NOT A FAIRWEATHER
FRIEND. A CONSTANT SHOULDER TO LEAN
ON. ALWAYS THERE TO DEFEND.
DIAPERS CHANGED, BOTTLES BOILED,
SCRAPES KISSED, STORIES BEFORE BED,
REPARING A BROKEN HEART WHEN DUMPED
BY HER ' TRUE LOVE'. PROM NIGHT, CAMERA
READY, LEARNING TO DRIVE (XANAX) HANDY!
AT GRADUATION THERE SHE SITS, AFTER ALL
THESE YEARS,THROUGH ALL THIS.
SOMETIMES SHES PROUD, SOMETIMES SHE'S
MAD. ALWAYS SHE LOVES HER WITH ALL OF
A WEDDING, NOW THE BABY TURNED LITTLE
LITTLE GIRL WILL WALK AWAY, OUT HER
AND HERE IT IS A BABY WITH IT'S HEAD
PEEPING OUT THE BLANKET. YET THIS TIME
IT'S HER BABY IN THE BED, THERE SHE STANDS
TO HOLD HER HAND.
SHE HANDS HIM TO HER & THEYBOTH CRY!
TEARS OF JOY OVER A BABY BOY.
ALL THIS TIME, ALL THESE YEARS, I HAD MY
MOM RIGHT HERE WITH ME. THANK YOU GOD,
I CAN'T IMAGINE WHO I'D BE WITHOUT HER
| Overall Assessment: IXNAY ON THE APSCAY! The all-capitals was a bit distracting and made it a little difficult to read (I noticed you did this with some of your other poems as well)|
at least for my eyes anyway. Also, someone I once knew said he never trusted anyone who used exclamation marks in anything but dialogue.
Otherwise, I think this was okay and even good in some parts (as that segment with the dirty doll) but otherwise I found that your word usage is a bit too...commonplace. A general suggestion would be to take some of these active words, or phrases and describe them, explore your senses a bit more. See what you can come up with.
|| Posted on 2010-05-01 00:00:00 | by Lady of Shalott | [ Reply to This ] |