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Author: mistiekidd
ASL Info:    31 like it f Al
Elite Ratio:    4.49 - 37 /48 /65
Words: 191
Class/Type: Poetry /Serious
Total Views: 768
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1166


Not one of my best pieces, about a girl in a affair where the guy gives up after she promised to leave the other man.


I am looking with a broken heart,
afraid of my next move.
I never expected to be this girl,
or to live with this knot in my
Barely living, torn, hurting, and
completly confused.
We both want the same thing,
we both know how this story should
end. Happily ever after.
Yet you, the one that has so little
to lose,
your the one not willing to fight,
you simply refuse.
As if it weren't bad enough,
it's like you have no heart, you leave
me with no reason, and no explanation
on exactly why you've torn our world
I feel so small, so very used.
You had no morales when it served
you, all the sudden it is complicated
and now you do.
This is not the kind of thing you
change your mind about, there are lives
involved, hearts that count.
Once upon a time I had a heart,
I could care. Now I know, I see
clear the way it is, so I promise myself
I'll never feel or love this way again.
That is the way this story really ends.

Submitted on 2010-05-02 16:16:09     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  I feel like I'm going around bashing people's poems today, so perhaps I'm just in a critical mood, but anyway:

Your poem didn't make me feel anything. While you have been able to vocalize your thoughts, and I have understood them, I'm just not feeling anything.

Suggestions? Shorten it, use some images and try to involve the reader's senses. Right now it's just a barrage of words.
| Posted on 2010-05-03 00:00:00 | by albery | [ Reply to This ]

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