[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: A Daydots

    Author: wovenwords
    ASL Info:    19/F/Washington
    Elite Ratio:    2.46 - 108/303/189
    Words: 94
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 895
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 714


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsA Daydots

    A man is floating, limbs akimbo
    walking across a strap
    taut between two trees, thin as air.

    A shy crow,
    an iridescent, black coat,
    a paradox.

    A rusting pot in
    an open window,
    crunchy weeds.

    A branch,
    stooping low,
    dripping quiet droplets
    of acid rain
    into a deep puddle below.

    Two Mexican men
    looking down,
    as they pass on the bridge.

    A boisterous sneeze
    through the gargantuan hall.

    Walking through a swarm
    of fleas,
    one lands on my poem
    and refuses to leave.

    Submitted on 2010-05-02 20:42:05     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I'm not even going to try to pretend like I understand this. I think I read it three or so times, still at a loss here. Its a good thing to make people think about what they've just read, but come on.....


    So, this is what my thoughts give me. Some guy is walking a thin tight line in between two trees, a crow foreshadows death. Hmmm..The two mexicans are scared to walk across the bridge hovering over deadly acid rain, one of them sneezes and kills the man concentrating on walking the line. Thats probably wrong, but its all i've got. I didn't know fleas were attracting to rotting bodies. I thought that was maggots and flies. Oh well.

    Great piece none the less. Don't let my confusion stunt you, lol. Have an amazing day.

    (I believe it should be "sneeze" not plural, though.)

    | Posted on 2010-05-05 00:00:00 | by sensetofeel | [ Reply to This ]
    The way you descirbe and compare is awesome.
    I love. Keep writing, keeep writing.
    | Posted on 2010-05-04 00:00:00 | by xxiknownowxx | [ Reply to This ]
      I kind of got it but at the same time I didn't... but I liked the style...

    Did the two Mexican men want to commit suicide? is that what you were foreshadowing...?

    scary O.o

    keep writing
    | Posted on 2010-05-04 00:00:00 | by istalkmurdoch | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]