Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Breathing Taxdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: col13x
    Elite Ratio:    2.26 - 119/300/559
    Words: 278
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 380
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1920



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBreathing Taxdots
    -------------------------------------------





    Buy your life back
    Even though it didnít come with its ubiquitous price tag

    Well really there isnít any other way
    For you to live
    You were already bought and sold
    Tagged and collared
    Before your birth

    Accept it

    And buy your life back

    Spend the rest of your life
    Buying it back

    Seriously; why not cut the bullshit
    And just call it
    Breathing Tax

    But like drug addicts
    Youíre hooked
    On feeding the residue
    Emptiness
    Relieving the boredom
    With just one more shot

    Yer, stick that needle into your mind
    And let the numbness wash over you
    Unhappily contented in a prefabricated world
    Need the drug
    Donít you

    Race of slaves
    To a culture of death

    Money is the materialisation
    Of your fear
    I am surprised you havenít seen that yet
    Branded like cattle
    With it

    Buy your life back
    Even though it didnít come with this ubiquitous price tag


    And enjoy your little moments of life

    Be, momentarily happy in your insignificance
    Get a little recompense
    For having suffered the life
    You have been forced to live

    Take a holiday

    And then get back to work

    Or, we will starve you
    Chuck you out on the streets
    Not a valuable member of society
    Let you squalor in poverty
    And your health cover was not covered by this premium
    And just like those other
    Toss off jerks
    Who have no use
    Seek to numb your rejection
    With substance abuse

    Or, buy your life back

    Thatís it

    Be a happily little robot




    Submitted on 2010-05-03 13:22:01     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Very nice. I liked the message, and though sometimes the flow was a little sketchy, you regrouped and made it work. :3

    And, um, unless you meant it differently, perhaps the last line should be: "Be a happy little robot" ^_^

    Lovely work. :D

    ~Quin
    | Posted on 2010-05-04 00:00:00 | by Quin | [ Reply to This ]
      from what I have read of your wok it all seems to be revolving around the same kind of theme, your always trying to refute one thing or another (I mean I could be wrong, tell me if I am) and I thing that you should vary your work sometimes, but besides that I thought that this was a good piece of work, although I would work on how you match words at times, there are parts that are hard to get through due to flow issues.
    continue writing
    istalkmurdoch
    | Posted on 2010-05-04 00:00:00 | by istalkmurdoch | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    184781

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Love written by saartha
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (3) written by endlessgame23
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Shut Up written by annie0888
    The Poems Death written by Mepoduo
    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    Relativity written by poetotoe
    Records I written by Raphael
    Dream written by closetpoet
    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch
    Physician, Heal Thyself written by WriteSomething
    Birds of a Feather written by poetotoe
    Reliquary of Writ written by HisNameIsNoMore
    I, Plutarch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Comme un lion en avril written by Outlaw
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (2) written by endlessgame23
    Carry written by saartha
    Still Perfectly Flawed written by armand
    prison written by ShyOne
    Cover written by saartha
    Suffer The Children written by poetotoe
    untitled written by ShyOne
    Shi written by ShyOne
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Journey written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (6) written by endlessgame23

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry