This site will self destruct in 2 months, March 17.
It will come back, and be familiar and at the same time completely different.
All content will be deleted. Backup anything important.
--- Staff
Roleplay Cloud -

Sign up to EliteSkills

Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

The Devil and Marie

Author: RisingSon
Elite Ratio:    1.69 - 7 /79 /52
Words: 316
Class/Type: Poetry /Misc
Total Views: 1262
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 2052


This is an old one that was previously posted on here. I needed the words again to put it to music.

I'm aware that the hanging words at the end of every second and fourth line is annoying, but it's just how it reads in my head.

A "pistole" is a gold coin, in this case a Spanish one still leftover from the conquistadors' time. It is pronounced "pi-stohl."

Marie is pronounced "Ma-REE."

The Devil and Marie

Marie slipped outside
and made for the shoal, she
held in her hand
a golden pistole, it was
all nearly silent
and the moon sang a song
of the mourning of night
and the coming of dawn

Though her path was dark
her feet turned no stone, for she'd
learned the way
when she was alone, it was
all nearly silent
and she hastened her step
for the morning would bring
what the night had long kept

A bend and she came
to the mound in the spring, she
lifted her head
to quietly sing, it was
all nearly silent
her voice ever low
seranading the night
for the life of her beau

Her face flushed with red,
her hair in her teeth, she
waited for him
alone by the reeds, it was
all nearly silent
when the sun first did rise
and her mourning lament
brought the cruelest surprise

He came with the shadows,
his heart in his hands, he
slid with the breeze
and the slope of the land, it was
all nearly silent
the blood dripping slow
from the hole in his chest
to the dirt down below

But she saw not a move,
and heard not a sound, her
eyes never saw
the hole in the mound, it was
all nearly silent
when he reached for her dress
and her hands --- they fell
like a stone from her chest

She spun on her toes
and made as to scream, but he'd
already grabbed
her dress at the seams, it was
all nearly silent
as he took her down
and forever they lay
in his home underground

And obscured in the mist
a man patiently stood, his
hands at his side,
his face cloaked by hood, it was
all nearly silent
when he snatched the pistole
and into the mist,
he took Marie's soul

Submitted on 2010-05-03 13:47:53     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!


  That was one of the best things I've ever read on this site. It flowed perfect and did a grand job of telling a haunting story! A lot of stuff I read on this site is either wierd or not very original, your piece was perfect. Four stars!!!!!
| Posted on 2010-05-04 00:00:00 | by mistiekidd | [ Reply to This ]
  This is an absolutely beautiful piece.. The rhyme and flow of it is perfectly timed and my heard beat out a rhythm as I read it.. Masterfully done!
| Posted on 2010-05-04 00:00:00 | by Maskannai | [ Reply to This ]
  James, you're one of my favorite writers on this site.
Despite my bashing(s) of the majority of your work in the past.
| Posted on 2010-05-03 00:00:00 | by JenFlynn | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?