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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Sweet Slumber Sublimedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: ACircuitShock
    ASL Info:    18/M/WA
    Elite Ratio:    3.53 - 221/243/40
    Words: 240
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 1545
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1525



    Description:
       Well, this is a midnight scribble that's for sure. You know, it really sucks when the person you love is a thousand miles away. Nights are the worst. Sometimes I wish I would never wake up...


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    dotsSweet Slumber Sublimedots
    -------------------------------------------


    One by one
    The lights go out,
    And yet I do not miss their warmth.

    One by one,
    Like incisions to this mask of sanity,
    They pierce this false illumination.
    Yet, the darkness they bring
    Is as welcome to me
    As any sunrise I have ever known.

    Disturb me not in my slumber
    For I relish my time there,
    Each moment to me
    Is as sweet
    As a gentlemans wine;
    This pauper has never tasted
    Anything quite so rapturous.

    Wake me not from my darkness
    For I fear that the light
    Will prove her absence from this bed.
    I fear that these eyes
    Will make no attempt to decieve
    This old mind of mine,
    I fear they will show the noxious truth:

    I am cold and alone in this bed.

    Take me back to my dreams
    Where I can see her untainted
    By this reality of distance,
    Take me back to my slumber
    For I abhor this reality;
    The fantasy draws me in.

    So goodbye and goodnight
    My friends and foes alike,
    I wish you good fortune and health.

    So I say goodbye to the sun
    And welcome sweet darkness
    With it's ship upon it's wake.

    Upon the bow
    I can strain to see her silhouette,
    The vision alone keeps me breathing.

    Tonight I go to visit my lady
    In sweet slumber sublime.







    Submitted on 2004-07-25 01:21:39     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      i agree with the person below me...really good title - got me from the start. goodjob
    xo
    | Posted on 2006-08-09 00:00:00 | by yellow balloons | [ Reply to This ]
      Of everything, I liked the title the best - it made me squirm and almost writhe with imagined thoughts and possibilities, it suggested and implied something - and I had to know what. I didn't quite find it in what you wrote, but nevertheless I liked the piece and thought it well written and conveying of a pain i know all to well - there's an account of my own midnight reflections in my own works, so in that sense i was drawn, heartfelt to this piece. Nicely done. ^_^
    | Posted on 2004-07-29 00:00:00 | by Transcendancing | [ Reply to This ]
      wow... i KNOW i was in Brazil for awhile...but, hey, don't go crazy -- i'm back now... lol. just kidding! (now for the real comment) This is really awesome. I love the way that you sound so gentle in your sadness/longing. It seems like you've learned to accept your problem (of missing "your lady") and have realized that your only way to solve it is through your dreams. Your stlye in this poem in unmatched. I LOVED your setup, your "comma usage" (lol...it's about time, right?), your imagery, your word choice, and well, just about everything --- BUT! you forgot an apostrophe my dear boy: when you wrote "a gentlemans wine" , you forgot to place an apostrophe (between the n and the s) to show that it is a matter of possession. Simply that and absolutely nothing else! Hmm...and as for my favorite line: id have to say it would be thus:
    "Yet, the darkness they bring
    Is as welcome to me
    As any sunrise I have ever known"
    (Okay, okay, so it's more than one line...don't make a big deal out of it!)... Anywho, and definite favorite...Simply wonderful!
    XOXO dandan
    | Posted on 2004-07-27 00:00:00 | by Dandan | [ Reply to This ]
      you have described the emotion very eloquently.. the sense of longing however is slightly lost in the language.

    but it is an emotion that is hard to capture or pin down.. something that you can feel in everything you do.. but for me.. if someone asked me to try and explain in one sentence what it does to me to be far away from the one person who means anything.. i couldnt.

    i know these thoughts much better than i want to.. and it's even worse when their effing computer breaks and you cant even talk or email each other as much as you'd like.. and then for some stupid reason it takes two hours to get through on the phone..

    and.. i'm going to shut up now.. lol.. but yeah.. there was a point to this rambling.. your poem hit a nerve.
    | Posted on 2004-07-25 00:00:00 | by girlinthephoto | [ Reply to This ]


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