Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Scalpeldots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Hecate
    Elite Ratio:    5.01 - 28/30/14
    Words: 91
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 756
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 727



    Description:
       Written fairly quickly.

    Wish there was a comment preference--"Dissect it!"


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsScalpeldots
    -------------------------------------------


    You are lying on the table
    while I hold you spread-eagled
    and my lab partner slices into precarious flesh.

    Rough skin
    grates my fingers.
    Your big blue Disney-cartoon eyes
    leak clear liquid.

    Your fins,
    touched with pink.
    Your tail,
    still bloody.

    You are
    massive, monstrous.
    You were some sort of terror once.
    If those frightened bathers knew
    how easily you come open.

    Thick stench--like bad tuna.
    My lab partner swears, slices.

    Open wide,
    Olympia.
    All your inner machinery
    stopped.
    All your inside tenderness
    revealed.




    Submitted on 2010-05-08 10:48:31     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      i guess i saw something different..the tuna was food for this shark...at least that is what i see...

    the eyes...the stench, the fins...

    dissecting something vicious on the outside that has some tenderness within..

    just like people..even the worst must have something softer inside, even if we never see it...

    nice metaphor i see here..

    really like this ..it is very different.

    jacob
    | Posted on 2011-06-11 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]
      i walked out of class whever disection was called for. eye balls... frogs... fish... i walked out before the scapel made it to the surface.

    im a sook like that.

    i spent 6 months in ethiopia in 2006 and spent 5.5 of those months not eating meat because they brought two sheep home and slaughtered them right outside my bedroom... i spent the first 3 weeks hardly eating anything at all because i wouldnt touch anything that had even TOUCHED meat...

    im a sook like that.


    i like your piece.
    i like that you can write about something i couldnt even stay in the room for. i like that you seem so calm about the whole thing..

    i dont know... they say when something is dead then its just a shell so maybe thats why disecting stuff is easy for some people... because they know theyre not causing any pain or anything

    the only part id contemplate changing is the -like bad tuna- part unless of course this fish is actually tuna then i guess it works. because if it isnt tuna even though i know youre talking about the stench not the disected specimen it is really easy to blurr them together... you know?


    it interests me that in death there is tenderness here..
    | Posted on 2010-05-08 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    184925

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry