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Relative dog

Author: expiring_touch
ASL Info:    30/f/Hamburg
Elite Ratio:    3.91 - 139 /260 /173
Words: 156
Class/Type: Poetry /Passion
Total Views: 933
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1049


Relative dog

Please let me collapse in the world of meaning
Where the waves - walls - of inspiration
Would hit me with a hysterical expectancy of
Hidden emotions, and their

Meanings, meanings, chanting, are my elk-hounds
Riding in black shadows
Across the cold October mornings
Into ice blisters on my stomach.

It’s almost there - in the rustle
Of four feet across the swollen wood
From too much intimacy, running away
Into pools of light by the lampposts,

Away, yet again, away,

Catch me you can’t because
I can’t catch myself by the tail,
Having outgrown the sun-dials.

My gut is on a riot, it yelps
And turns somersaults in hazy
Drunken salutes to your advancing summers;

And I can’t spare myself these indignities,
So it’s up to you to free me,
Lest I should cry my own
Wheezy sonnets to the perverse moon,
So rampant in my mouth.

Submitted on 2010-05-11 11:33:50     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  I just read a lot of your poems and because I am an old man, it is like spying on a young woman through her window.

You are very honest about everything, except that sometimes I feel that you have turned pain into beauty for the sake of the poem. What's wrong with that? I don't know. Nothing!

People like you make me think, but I don't have the feelings any more

| Posted on 2012-04-19 00:00:00 | by Glen Bowman | [ Reply to This ]
  And turns somersaults in hazy
Drunken salutes to your advancing summers;

Yes, I love these two lines. This feels like the frustration of having an idea for a poem in the back of your mind, and not being able to think of a structure that is stable enough to write it in. I can practically feel the frustration, but that could be my own empathy.

I love the first stanza, but I feel like it could be stronger, like I read hysterical expectancy, and the words hidden emotions is not what I feel should follow. It completely makes sense if where I feel you are going with this piece is where you're going, but there may be a more poignant way of stating it. "Hidden emotions" is sort of a flow like statement and doesn't quite fit with shattering walls, if I'm making any sense here. Like the two words are too small of waves to make any big crashing sounds, which is what the first stanza is about; crashing. I'm coming at your poem from an aesthetic sense, because I enjoy the substance of it. This is a good piece, I enjoyed the read. The ending stanza is really good, reminded me of the Goddess Hecate, and she has dogs at her heels, and she is the Goddess of the dark moon. I like it.

| Posted on 2010-05-12 00:00:00 | by EmpathicAya | [ Reply to This ]
  I will have to come back to this. I'm actually quite surprised there aren't any comments yet, as it is a creative and stirring piece. I enjoyed your choice of words and how you strung them together, but find it deserves a little more thought than I am able to give at the moment.

| Posted on 2010-05-11 00:00:00 | by Soul-Hugger | [ Reply to This ]

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