Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: up and downdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: joezwells
    Elite Ratio:    3.81 - 64/78/54
    Words: 67
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 476
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 420



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsup and downdots
    -------------------------------------------


    blined by love
    everything seemed great

    you believed a lie
    but you knew your fate
    tangles now you try to untie
    life you live you learn to hate

    try to see that this isnt the end
    you broke down
    but you can rely on a friend
    your face is frowned
    its something you can mend

    with time and patients
    you will smile again




    Submitted on 2010-05-15 04:03:14     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      i guess you kinda found the pendulum of love in this piece... the up and the down [hense the title i guess?]

    it should be patience rather than patients [patients are what doctors see ]


    i would try to have a few less 'you's in this piece... by the end of it 'you' seems like a bad thing to be... you dont want your piece to come off as condemnatory...

    my only question would be why would they believe the lie if they knew their fate? one doesnt usually go out of their own way to get their own heart broken... maybe sharpen the idea up a lil..?

    good luck
    | Posted on 2010-05-16 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    185064

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry