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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: a reason/able listdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Someones Epiphany
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 4454/2106/161
    Words: 216
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1089
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1164



    Description:
       my life seems to have taken a turn toward lists lately and my writing seems to reflect this... title suggestions are more than welcome


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsa reason/able listdots
    -------------------------------------------


    and these are the reasons i

    (scream: kids can not eat hope. literally. egzabehere yirstilene. may god give to you on my behalf. beautiful sentiment… not very filling.

    dance: there used to be long enough to have a baby. now there isn’t even long enough to grow a tomato. and im fine with that. im fine with that.

    sing: i remember his eyes and the way they looked at me. inay beicha- only me. and it is upon this look that i am basing my whole life. it is for this look that i long for and count down for once more.

    pine: take me back to the streets full of smiling faces. take me back to the streets of ‘youyouyou’

    laugh: a stopped elevator. in the basement. and the person who is changing the cables is afraid of heights. i was once this person. i have been through hell. and back. with laughter to spite.

    cry: for the city that has stolen my heart. i long to return to the place my heart makes most sense. i long to return, to shed my homeless status, to come into my own.. to no longer be a displaced person. )

    choose to soar rather than levitate




    Submitted on 2010-05-16 00:39:34     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      i don't know if i'll ever really get back to a place where my heart makes sense...i really related to this part of the poem...

    but love it all...

    although i would not change the title..it is quite appropriate...
    "take me back to the streets of youyouyou"

    uh, yes.

    i like the dance part...a different kind of dance...the kind to make a baby..but that is gone...now there is hardly a flirt...

    i am also reading this and still thinking about your Wake piece...

    like i am at a visitation...giving my condolences to the person who has lost her relationship...the loved one gone...

    your writing has such bang.

    jacob
    | Posted on 2011-04-22 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]
       rather enjoyed the way you wrote this list... It worked for me specially when you got to cry... It made me think about and reflect on my time spent abroad.
    It's amazing how some places just feel like home. For me that was the city of Burgos in Spain. When I was there I found myself, but when I returned I forgot to pack that person I became and he is lost...

    "sing: i remember his eyes and the way they looked at me. inay beicha- only me. and it is upon this look that i am basing my whole life. it is for this look that i long for and count down for once more"

    This part in-particular just crushes me because I know this feeling and it makes me wish I could give you a hug.
    What I really like is I feel this is the straight forward ness of it... As you go down your list its A) I do this because I miss this person B) I do that because I've lost myself and so on...

    I would imagine writing this to be rather cathartic but in a different way then writing tends to be... I know for myself that writing is like the pressure valve for my brain and when I find it in me to write it generally means I just earned myself a day or two in which I can actually sleep... But a piece like this for me is rare...

    It's something I wish I could do more often, you know de-construct myself in writing and just understand the why and why nots of my actions...
    Just lay it all out and than maybe you find the strength to move on.
    | Posted on 2010-12-19 00:00:00 | by Mithrandir | [ Reply to This ]
      I think anyone can get bits and pieces from this, but the vernacular and sometimes private-joke style tends to exclude rather than share. I like the form in which you wrote it, very original (if anything really is these days).
    | Posted on 2010-11-12 00:00:00 | by Lelik | [ Reply to This ]
      Ooooh pretty.

    It's like... you have to feel everything or (close to) nothing. Soar instead of levitate, but to soar is to do all these other things too. I hear this sentiment echoed back at me all the time these days.

    I'm just saying what you said, but worse. I have no title suggestions. This comment is useless! Ha. But yeah. I like how hopeful and optimistic yet honest it is. Achieving that balance... in this poem I see how ugly/beautiful/terrible/amazing life is.
    | Posted on 2010-08-07 00:00:00 | by lukewarm | [ Reply to This ]
      there is nothing i can say really that hasn't been...

    but what is great about this is the gamet of emotion played out.

    i think i love most this part here -

    cry: for the city that has stolen my heart. i long to return to the place my heart makes most sense. i long to return, to shed my homeless status, to come into my own.. to no longer be a displaced person. )

    to no longer be homeless or displaced.

    to be homehomehome. there is nothing better than finding the place where you belong, or were meant to be always.


    anyhoo...

    yes, i am still superduper excited for you. i am. and i am so grateful really, that you have been blessed with something special.

    yup.

    (it gives me hope).

    | Posted on 2010-05-17 00:00:00 | by isabella | [ Reply to This ]
      
    I like the title and its play on words.

    It is lovely how you have connected these together. Often in poetry there is this design we adhere to that can be somewhat like connecting the dots and it is good to step away from that and see what other ways one can reach their intentions.


    You summarize each verb so that it encompasses a world of its own as well as one that is so much bigger. It makes for a very satisfying, intriguing and genuine read, and even if you were to take away the flesh, the bones are quite stunning, and by bones I mean this: and these are the reason i scream, dance, sing, pine, laugh, cry and choose to soar rather than levitate. That whole sway of emotions. Its amazing what one person can do to another.


    And write aside, I am so happy for you.

    -Emeya
    | Posted on 2010-05-16 00:00:00 | by Lady of Shalott | [ Reply to This ]
      Another list poem?
    'And I'm fine with that. I'm fine with that.'

    I love the whole spectrum of emotion here: scream, dance, sing, pine, laugh, cry. It bounces back and forth between happy and forlorn. It actually sounds neat if you treat them like this:
    scream, dance, sing.
    pine, laugh, cry.

    'And these are the reasons i...choose to soar rather than levitate'
    I think I too would choose to soar. Levitation usually is stationary, floating in one spot, whereas soaring suggests you are going somewhere. Both are off the ground, but only one of them is truly free, soaring.

    'take me back to the streets of 'youyouyou''
    I always have a soft spot for these love poems of yours. Whoever the object of your affection is, he is a lucky man. To be with a woman so gifted with words, and who really understands the universe. You may think you don't, but I have a feeling you do.

    A very reasonable list, I think.

    Continue to soar, bird daughter.

    -Fox
    | Posted on 2010-05-16 00:00:00 | by AsiaticFox | [ Reply to This ]


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