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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Constructive distructiondots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: littlemisskitte
    Elite Ratio:    2.21 - 5/12/9
    Words: 103
    Class/Type: Poetry/Society
    Total Views: 710
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 642



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsConstructive distructiondots
    -------------------------------------------


    You see a girl, she's walking down the street
    A proud girl, wears a head of blue barretts
    You look at her, but you would never meet
    For inside her she carries deep regretts
    One look, you think you know her already
    But you never had to walk in her shoes
    She is pregnate obviously
    You don't know, but she never got to choose
    Yes folks, innocense was stolen
    It was taken by her own fauther
    So off to the clenic she is strolling
    yeah, go ahead and call her a whore. But
    This is not theraputic abortion
    Only just, constructive distruction




    Submitted on 2010-05-17 13:14:33     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      
    | Posted on 2010-05-18 00:00:00 | by Temidayo | [ Reply to This ]
      Well an excellent writer has just said all I would have pointed out. This topic is nice though really its sad. My heart goes out to this girl. Nice title bears the paradox situation nicely. Please take time to review what you post so you avoid such seeming simple errors. Hint your readers are not to necessarily like the topics but should feel the passion or situation the piece describes enough to personalise or localise the situation the write up paints. I will check other stuff of yours.
    | Posted on 2010-05-18 00:00:00 | by Temidayo | [ Reply to This ]
      well first of all you have many spelling errors.

    pregnant not pregnate

    Regrets not regretts

    innocence not innocense

    father not fauther

    clinic not clinec

    therapeutic not theraputic

    barrettes not barretts

    secondly you have a very rough rhythm, and it is a bit hard to read, consider revising this. It's a good topic you just need to work on the construction of the poem itself. Keep writing


    istalkmurdoch
    | Posted on 2010-05-18 00:00:00 | by istalkmurdoch | [ Reply to This ]


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