[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Constructive distructiondots

    Author: littlemisskitte
    Elite Ratio:    2.21 - 5/12/9
    Words: 103
    Class/Type: Poetry/Society
    Total Views: 665
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 642


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsConstructive distructiondots

    You see a girl, she's walking down the street
    A proud girl, wears a head of blue barretts
    You look at her, but you would never meet
    For inside her she carries deep regretts
    One look, you think you know her already
    But you never had to walk in her shoes
    She is pregnate obviously
    You don't know, but she never got to choose
    Yes folks, innocense was stolen
    It was taken by her own fauther
    So off to the clenic she is strolling
    yeah, go ahead and call her a whore. But
    This is not theraputic abortion
    Only just, constructive distruction

    Submitted on 2010-05-17 13:14:33     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
    | Posted on 2010-05-18 00:00:00 | by Temidayo | [ Reply to This ]
      Well an excellent writer has just said all I would have pointed out. This topic is nice though really its sad. My heart goes out to this girl. Nice title bears the paradox situation nicely. Please take time to review what you post so you avoid such seeming simple errors. Hint your readers are not to necessarily like the topics but should feel the passion or situation the piece describes enough to personalise or localise the situation the write up paints. I will check other stuff of yours.
    | Posted on 2010-05-18 00:00:00 | by Temidayo | [ Reply to This ]
      well first of all you have many spelling errors.

    pregnant not pregnate

    Regrets not regretts

    innocence not innocense

    father not fauther

    clinic not clinec

    therapeutic not theraputic

    barrettes not barretts

    secondly you have a very rough rhythm, and it is a bit hard to read, consider revising this. It's a good topic you just need to work on the construction of the poem itself. Keep writing

    | Posted on 2010-05-18 00:00:00 | by istalkmurdoch | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Happy Saint Patrick's Day written by poetotoe
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
    Bond written by saartha
    AI written by poetotoe
    Before, Now, & After written by SincerWritinAsh
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    written by Daniel Barlow
    the living moment written by ShyOne
    Wavelength written by saartha
    Your Lover written by Cordell
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    You do, I Do written by poetotoe
    Blood Stains Are The Worst written by ForgottenGraves
    written by Daniel Barlow
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Whiteout written by layDsayD
    Push written by JanePlane
    Brigit written by endlessgame23
    Neither Here nor There written by layDsayD
    More then just goodbye written by faideddarkness
    Alone in the Crowd written by SavedDragon
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (7) written by endlessgame23
    Summer written by layDsayD
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (6) written by endlessgame23
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    descent written by TheBadSadMan
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]