Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Constructive distructiondots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: littlemisskitte
    Elite Ratio:    2.21 - 5/12/9
    Words: 103
    Class/Type: Poetry/Society
    Total Views: 776
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 642



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsConstructive distructiondots
    -------------------------------------------


    You see a girl, she's walking down the street
    A proud girl, wears a head of blue barretts
    You look at her, but you would never meet
    For inside her she carries deep regretts
    One look, you think you know her already
    But you never had to walk in her shoes
    She is pregnate obviously
    You don't know, but she never got to choose
    Yes folks, innocense was stolen
    It was taken by her own fauther
    So off to the clenic she is strolling
    yeah, go ahead and call her a whore. But
    This is not theraputic abortion
    Only just, constructive distruction




    Submitted on 2010-05-17 13:14:33     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      
    | Posted on 2010-05-18 00:00:00 | by Temidayo | [ Reply to This ]
      Well an excellent writer has just said all I would have pointed out. This topic is nice though really its sad. My heart goes out to this girl. Nice title bears the paradox situation nicely. Please take time to review what you post so you avoid such seeming simple errors. Hint your readers are not to necessarily like the topics but should feel the passion or situation the piece describes enough to personalise or localise the situation the write up paints. I will check other stuff of yours.
    | Posted on 2010-05-18 00:00:00 | by Temidayo | [ Reply to This ]
      well first of all you have many spelling errors.

    pregnant not pregnate

    Regrets not regretts

    innocence not innocense

    father not fauther

    clinic not clinec

    therapeutic not theraputic

    barrettes not barretts

    secondly you have a very rough rhythm, and it is a bit hard to read, consider revising this. It's a good topic you just need to work on the construction of the poem itself. Keep writing


    istalkmurdoch
    | Posted on 2010-05-18 00:00:00 | by istalkmurdoch | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    185100

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    written by Daniel Barlow
    A Donde Llegamos written by MyPeriodical
    One day older, One year wiser. written by Rhythmal
    Labor Pains written by MyPeriodical
    Where is My Ghost written by ForgottenGraves
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Thinking too much written by taintedsmiles
    Untitled written by _winky_
    Blues written by TheStillSilence
    Their fine denial written by MyPeriodical
    Release written by robbie
    Remember written by MyPeriodical
    written by Daniel Barlow
    In God's Name written by poetotoe
    written by Daniel Barlow
    To Be written by MyPeriodical
    Comparisons written by MyPeriodical
    Silly Rulers. written by MyPeriodical
    Broken Promises written by S.A.M.
    Scared written by MyPeriodical
    Tired Vine written by MyPeriodical
    I am a sorry son. Part two written by MyPeriodical
    Untitled written by taintedsmiles
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Stance written by Daniel Barlow
    The annointed one is persecuted. written by MyPeriodical
    Rezar por la naturaleza written by MyPeriodical
    Sanctimony written by MyPeriodical
    Canalizar written by MyPeriodical
    MY VERY OWN DEATH written by Ethan Brody

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry