[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: When we are lovers at lastdots

    Author: wovenwords
    ASL Info:    19/F/Washington
    Elite Ratio:    2.46 - 108/303/189
    Words: 116
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 814
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 745


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWhen we are lovers at lastdots

    Through days we floated like sailboats at sea,
    The wind nudging softly at our white flaps.
    The ocean was tranquil. We shone in the sun.
    We, oblivious, floated on. The fish knew.
    The seaweed that pasted itself to our sides:
    It knew. The waves knew. Their sloshing and rocking
    Thrust us forward. The fish, their gills flapping,
    Gossiped, swimming along, brushing our sides.
    As the sea tumbled and tossed, the large space
    between us: It filled. Our shy bows tapped, and
    the sea took a deep breath. The sun became
    more yellow. The fish swam off in pairs.

    Winter will come; storms will push us apart.
    Come, my dear, throw down your anchor; your heart.

    Submitted on 2010-05-17 17:35:12     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Whoops, I copy-pasted it weird. I would make it longer, but it's a sonnet!
    | Posted on 2010-05-18 00:00:00 | by wovenwords | [ Reply to This ]
      this is beautiful! although what happened on the last line, it's like your train of thought died all of the sudden....

    but other than that I thought that it was a very good piece of work... I also think that you should make it longer.... hopefully you can keep working on it.

    keep writing

    | Posted on 2010-05-18 00:00:00 | by istalkmurdoch | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]