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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: They who Live in Fear.dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: edcherry
    Elite Ratio:    6.91 - 197/67/22
    Words: 76
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 651
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 447



    Description:
       The stupidity of formless fear.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThey who Live in Fear.dots
    -------------------------------------------


    They Who Live In Fear.

    He feels so tired of writing all of this
    never-ending tale of things amiss,
    with fear the day will come he has to kiss
    death's door, and then will hear the adders hiss
    and strike against such worthlessness of life
    he's lived in fear, that someone with a knife
    will carve his name in stone for missing strife
    that may appear, were he to wed a wife!




    Submitted on 2010-05-19 01:25:29     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Hi,

    thanks so much for commenting on my piece. I thought it would only be fair to return the favor.

    I find fear to be an interesting concept. The things we miss out on because of our fears, the journeys we avoid because of this. Fear itself is difficult to conquer that's why most of us become comfortable in the world we've built for ourselves; away from our fears. But when a window of opportunity passes by to overcome those fears, most of us don't go for it even if we wish to do it. And it closes, so we're still stuck with it.

    I love the fact that you kept it short. The message is strong; the idea is strong. I think it got a bit messed up because of the rhymes you've placed. Rhymes don't always work and here it didn't do much justice to your piece. Instead of flowing smoothly, it had edges to it. It felt forced. The ones I felt were forced were kiss, strife and wife. And also tasteless and worthless together is pretty much the same word in this sense so I think one of the words should dropped to prevent repetition.

    I'm glad we wrote on the same topic. It gives me a chance to view writings from other authors point of view and it's always refreshing to see the different styles of writing.

    Take care and have a wonderful day.

    Irina

    | Posted on 2010-07-25 00:00:00 | by charmedidentity | [ Reply to This ]
      I thought that this was a very good piece of writing, although the flow get messed up with your last line lol. Although you may have done that on purpose. What I would like to know is what you define as "formless fear?"
    | Posted on 2010-05-20 00:00:00 | by istalkmurdoch | [ Reply to This ]


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