[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Filling Out the Fabricdots

    Author: Soul-Hugger
    ASL Info:    33/F/Canada
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 409/222/66
    Words: 146
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 1333
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 969

       This is just something I started today that needs a lot more work.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFilling Out the Fabricdots

    I am hungry.
    Stomach rumbles, hands tremble,
    Thin arms reach for something to sustain.
    Blood sugar plummets, heart races...
    Why do I allow myself this pain?

    I re-enact past hurts on the stage
    of my body
    and slowly implode.

    The curves of my life must serve to replace
    The lack of those on narrow hips;
    Though I have carried children, sung lullabies
    (Such matronly tasks borne against a figure
    much too slight and childlike for a woman)
    Somehow I do not feel grown up.

    Layers of billowy fabric say it best:
    I may be almost anything but sexy,
    As lingerie gapes and puckers
    on small tired breasts.

    I am about to disappear into myself
    Or disappear altogether,
    I push my plate away unfinished:
    it is not what I wanted.

    My aching heart could not be filled so easily.

    Submitted on 2010-05-19 22:05:10     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      One of the best things I ever learned about writing poetry is that it is the verbs we use, rather than any adjectives or abverbs, which make the strongest, most lasting impression when we are trying to evoke some kind of image or feeling in our readers' minds.

    I really like the premise here, and the structure of it, too- you're giving your thoughts and ideas room to breathe, giving us room to breathe and properly absorb. It's well paced, too.

    My favourite lines are:

    'and slowly implode'

    'Somehow I do not feel grown up'

    'As lingerie gapes and puckers'

    mostly because of what I said about verbs but also because of another thing I learned on this site about poetry, how that sometimes the simple saying of something makes the most emotional impact, like your line 'I do not feel grown-up'.

    Some of your lines feel a litle too easy, to me, heart aching, stomach rumbles, heart races- I think these parts could use some spicing up, so to speak, to add interest, to make me really see you at this table ignoring your own needs, to make it feel more there.

    I am about to disappear into myself
    Or disappear altogether,'

    this is my absolute favourite part, for the open truth of it, for how well you evoke the parallelism of upset and pain causing you to withdraw and how a coping mechanism against that pain, not eating, makes you literally disappear. The both go hand in hand, and you make this eating disorder or disordered eating so much about your own personal struggle, rather than just leaving us to assume (as many people would) that you've been reading too many fashion magazine and want to be thin like a model. You also make it clear in this write that being thin an child-like upsets you, and that adds to the feeling that this is, in a way, out of your control. It is a sickness, like any other sickness,and even after it has been resolved/cured/gotten rid of, it lingers. You may have had children and become a woman but you still struggle with this. It's an important message.

    This is so honest. It's ahrd to be honest, even with the relative anonymity on this site, so kudos for that.

    Take care :)

    | Posted on 2010-08-21 00:00:00 | by AlyRose | [ Reply to This ]
      This is quite possibly my favourite poem of yours. I like the free-verse effect, somehow, for me personally, its more liberating so even more emotive. Many of my friends have had anorexia and I think is a vivid illustration, particularly with the resonance the stage evokes, a stage of life, ectera. The second stanza is fantastic, with all the evocativeness that the stage implies

    I re-enact past hurts on the stage
    of my body
    and slowly implode.
    The contrast of a mother – this portrait is sensitively drawn with the “sung lullabies” and a figure that is “(much too slight and childlike for a woman). Somehow I do not feel grown up” who is simultaneously a child. The concept of emaciation is a form of disappearance. The idea of someone being uncomfortable with their image and yet being fated to sustain it due to an apathy/antipathy to life.

    Layers of billowy fabric say it best:
    I may be almost anything but sexy,
    As lingerie gapes and puckers
    on small tired breasts.
    | Posted on 2010-05-27 00:00:00 | by Speacenik | [ Reply to This ]
      Tammy, is that you????
    Seriously though... Tammy, is that you????

    Ok ok, I'll stop asking that...

    Well, I don't have much problems with this as I can look at food and feel the jean seams snapping as I swell... but, when I am depressed or 'whatever' happens between the ears, I have bouts of Anti-Eat. It's not that I'm not hungry... the very smell of a piece of bread is enough to make me go Pavlov's Dog crazy, but it's a punishment. I want to deprive, and I go into the "You don't deserve, you're too weak, you're...." mode. Then, as the weight goes down, this surgence inside me comes up... a ... a... (what is the word I'm going for here?)

    A sense of empowerment. A sense of MASTERING something wild and uncontrollable, a feeling of God Ego, and I want to break the body and elevate the mind.

    Be careful. Paul wrote Revelations while fasting, which just goes to prove, a mind without carbs is a dangerous beast.

    Oh, and btw (duh me), it's written incredibly well... so well in fact I just "related" and didn't think to say that initially. My bad; you're good with the 'pen' strokes!
    | Posted on 2010-05-20 00:00:00 | by Runes | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]