Description: yes yes yes I know it has a very simple rhyme to it, but I suck at writing poems that don't rhyme, if any of you would be willing to help me with that it would be great.
Besides that this was just something I had been thinking about for awhile. Also, I have been neglecting to post anything >_<
please tell me what you think, love it hate it? Don't even know what to feel? I need inspiration... blah, I long for thee, sweet inspiration!
this was revised by someone very nice on ES lol.
Through the Fire and the Flames -------------------------------------------
Thick smoke is everywhere,
I cannot see sunlight,
just the eerie glow of fire
raging through the night,
The walls begin to crumble,
right before my eyes.
Oh Lord, please listen to my voice,
Please hear my feeble cries.
The roof's about to fall
and crush my bones to dust,
but I will make it through the pain
with Him in whom I trust
A nice thoughtful poem. Good rhythm, and it is nice you show your trust in God, as I do too. It made me wonder if you suffered a house fire, or did you use fire as a metaphor for (theoretical) weight of sins? Whatever, it is a nice poem.
Sometimes you don't need rhyme, but you always need a flow or a rhythm to lead the reader. I like this new style of
writing from you. Sometimes when we focus so much on structure we loose our inspiration. Most of the time, when I write a poem, I don't go back and change anything. Unless, of course if I have misspells or nonsense.
Don't be afraid of the fire, it is painful, but it will purify you.