Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Through the Fire and the Flames dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: istalkmurdoch
    Elite Ratio:    7.06 - 129/48/25
    Words: 78
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 471
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 456



    Description:
       yes yes yes I know it has a very simple rhyme to it, but I suck at writing poems that don't rhyme, if any of you would be willing to help me with that it would be great.
    Besides that this was just something I had been thinking about for awhile. Also, I have been neglecting to post anything >_<
    please tell me what you think, love it hate it? Don't even know what to feel? I need inspiration... blah, I long for thee, sweet inspiration!

    this was revised by someone very nice on ES lol.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThrough the Fire and the Flames dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Thick smoke is everywhere,
    I cannot see sunlight,
    just the eerie glow of fire
    raging through the night,

    The walls begin to crumble,
    right before my eyes.
    Oh Lord, please listen to my voice,
    Please hear my feeble cries.

    The roof's about to fall
    and crush my bones to dust,
    but I will make it through the pain
    with Him in whom I trust





    Submitted on 2010-05-20 19:25:25     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      A nice thoughtful poem. Good rhythm, and it is nice you show your trust in God, as I do too. It made me wonder if you suffered a house fire, or did you use fire as a metaphor for (theoretical) weight of sins? Whatever, it is a nice poem.
    | Posted on 2010-05-23 00:00:00 | by edcherry | [ Reply to This ]
      Sometimes you don't need rhyme, but you always need a flow or a rhythm to lead the reader. I like this new style of
    writing from you. Sometimes when we focus so much on structure we loose our inspiration. Most of the time, when I write a poem, I don't go back and change anything. Unless, of course if I have misspells or nonsense.

    Don't be afraid of the fire, it is painful, but it will purify you.

    Love of Christ,
    Christie
    | Posted on 2010-05-21 00:00:00 | by lynn7 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    185166

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    a leaf of shadow and edge written by Daniel Barlow
    Hyle written by endlessgame23
    Twin Intercept written by Daniel Barlow
    Whispered written by endlessgame23
    Ciggarettes written by Poetic_tragedy6
    The Human Harmonic written by Daniel Barlow
    Rooted in Nature written by Chelebel
    A bit of Pain written by teika5
    In a Corner written by jeniecel
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    The Want written by Daniel Barlow
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Live In Between written by teika5
    Johnny's Cock written by endlessgame23
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    The World written by jjd
    Starseed written by endlessgame23
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    Lie back & tan written by Daniel Barlow
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    The Curtain Call written by faideddarkness
    Mystery Read written by kyserin
    untitled written by Outlaw
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry