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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Autumn.dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: edcherry
    Elite Ratio:    6.91 - 197/67/22
    Words: 136
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 617
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 953



    Description:
       Blissful Victoria Australia Autumn.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAutumn.dots
    -------------------------------------------


    A lovely day, so quiet and still,
    'neath azure sky, bedecked on high
    with drifting cloudlets, lacey white,
    like preenings from angelic wings.

    I hear the sound of rustling leaves
    of trees, once green for Summer's scene,
    now clad in lovely autumn hues
    that softly rival blooms of Spring.

    The breeze disturbs a shower of leaves,
    which fall to ground with no more sound
    than whispered words of lovers, lost
    in sweet embrace, and future plans.

    My blissful dozing suddenly ends,
    as cooling air drifts round my chair,
    and shadows from the setting sun
    remind me sharply, Winter's near.

    Though Winter's chills are trials at times,
    those beating rains on window pains,
    and howling winds, are sweet to hear
    when two are snugly warm with love.
    ________________________




    Submitted on 2010-05-21 22:48:43     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Hey,

    [I was in Melbourne during Autumn and it was rather erm, chilly D: . Just saying]

    This really paints a vivid image of Autumn in all it's colours and it just kinda makes you feel like it's Autumn already. It also makes Autumn seem kind of fragile, especially by comparing it with the other seasons.

    I love the transition into Winter and the last stanza makes it feel like there is more to come [like perhaps a follow-up poem or something]
    I also really enjoy reading it because of the rhyming patterns in the verse, it makes it more... 'fun' or interesting to read.

    Maybe there could be more about how 'crisp' Autumn can be. Although, it can be assumed that the reader autmoatically makes an instinctive feeling of memories from Autumn (gosh, I hope that made sense). We can assume that instinctive cognition does its thing and relates to emotions about Autumn etc.

    Oh and about that last stanza... yeah, it both concludes this piece, but is like a teaser to something that possibly follows up.

    Hope that my comment made some sense/was helpful in some way...

    I enjoyed reading this, thanks for sharing!
    ~
    | Posted on 2010-11-21 00:00:00 | by EshyFishy | [ Reply to This ]
      this sort of reminded me of a poem book that I bought a few years ago, it was called "The Four Seasons." It was a book written by many different authors just about how beautiful the seasons were and what all of their qualities were. I had one of my favorite poets in it, Robert Frost, if you haven't seen any of his work you should, he is very good poet, and has a lot of warmth ;)

    This poem is very vivid in descriptions, I got a lot of images from reading it. I know that, that comment may be somewhat cliché, but it is entirely true.

    also love how you have mixed up the pattern a bit, and haven't stuck to just one rhythm, that's one of my many writing flaws, I cannot for the life of me, mix my writing up a bit. To tell you the honest truth my writing is quite flavorless, and uncreative, and for the most part very misunderstood due to the fact that it tend not to make sense at times. I know that me confessing my flaws of writing may not help you particularly, although just make sure not to follow in my horrid example.

    than you for the comment about the warmth, it meant a lot to know that someone actually cares about my comments that way, more than just a simple "thanks." Sometimes when people just say thank you it's kind of a stab in the heart X_X it too is flavorless, emotionless, and usually comes from some weird apathetic writer that doesn't want feed back. Although there are a few of people that are kind enought to give a reason as to why they are thankful besides the fact that Iw rote a comments.

    sorry for how long this is lol

    istalkmurdoch
    (bekah)



    | Posted on 2010-05-22 00:00:00 | by istalkmurdoch | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

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