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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: a new orleans funeraldots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: caster
    ASL Info:    31.M.MO
    Elite Ratio:    3.34 - 136/280/161
    Words: 240
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Misc
    Total Views: 809
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 1661



    Description:
       about: trying to put your memory to rest.

    feedback: no technical critiques. if it moved you in some way, good or bad, tell me.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsa new orleans funeraldots
    -------------------------------------------


    what if i was dead,
    and i mean, dead.
    you took so much
    but whose to say
    how much, is too much
    ...just enough
    stole a heart
    and a car crash
    so i'll throw in
    my last breath
    blade to neck,
    we'll be closing soon, but
    thanks for choosing us

    and if i said, everything
    if i said everything, tonite
    girl, if i said, everything
    if i said everything, tonite
    then you would be nothing
    you would be nothing,
    you would be nothing,
    you would be everything but alrite

    what if i survived,
    just not 'got by'; survived.
    found a girl
    with a less sharp tongue
    would it cut you,
    any less than
    it used to
    and i'll dig a grave
    pulling up dirt
    that best describes you
    but who goes down
    just depends
    on my mood

    and if i said, everything
    if i said everything, tonite
    girl, if i said, everything
    if i said everything, tonite
    then you would be nothing
    you would be nothing,
    you would be nothing,
    you would be everything but alrite

    you want the truth,
    and nothing, but
    if you only knew
    that nothing can be new
    again, again, again

    and if i said, everything
    if i said everything, tonite
    girl, if i said, everything
    if i said everything, tonite
    then you would be nothing
    you would be nothing,
    you would be nothing,
    you would be everything but alrite




    Submitted on 2010-05-24 17:21:19     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

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    ||| Comments |||


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



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