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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: My Hearts Way to Youdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: einna
    ASL Info:    23/F
    Elite Ratio:    5.44 - 11/13/14
    Words: 134
    Class/Type: Poetry/Romance
    Total Views: 502
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 806



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMy Hearts Way to Youdots
    -------------------------------------------


    My heart has broken out of my chest,
    To find its way to you.
    When its there, I won’t let go,
    I will follow my hearts lead.

    Through mountains and valleys,
    I will not stumble;
    My heart leaves a solid path,
    Which my feet will always find.

    In the heavens high above,
    I know my heart will take me.
    I can try to pretend I will stay there,
    But my love will pull me down another path.

    My heart will follow, this I am sure,
    Through hells abyss;
    I will walk the stones before me,
    As a funambulist inches along a thread.

    Over the rivers, under the seas,
    I know the journey is safe.
    It will hurt, oh will it hurt,
    But I can not deny my heart her remedy.




    Submitted on 2010-05-30 15:07:51     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Broken Down:

    1st Stanza: I thought that it was a really good start when it comes to imagery, although it was a rough one, it didn't flow very smoothly. But I loved the thought of a heart being personified as actually breaking out of one's chest. In the last line do you mean, "I will follow where my heart leads?"

    3rd Stanza: It seems really rough. The first two lines kind of make sense although the reader has to make the connection. Are you trying to say that you know that your heart is going to take you to the heavens above (in some context, I'm just writing this to understand). You make it so that your love and your heart are two separate entities, that are taking you down two different paths...

    4th Stanza: Very good simile! I loved how you used the word "funambulist."

    5th Stanza: Line 2-3 confuses me so. Do you mean that the journey isn't safe, and it's going to hurt. Or was that on purpose... I lost my understanding...

    I thought that it was good poem although I didn't get certain parts of it. You didn't specify what kind of critique (feedback) that you wanted, so I just went to town lol. I hope this helped as in feedback, and I would like to know the answers to my questions please.

    keep writing!

    istalkmurdoch
    | Posted on 2010-05-30 00:00:00 | by istalkmurdoch | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
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    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    185382

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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